The Honey Badger Trap

Sometimes we must admit defeat and accept what is inevitable. It is not so much a case of ticking one of the multiple choice questions and hoping for the best, but realising 'if you can't beat them, join them'*. However, such nuances are lost in the sway of politics[*] where the tanker has, at vast expense, to navigate half the planet ploughing through everything in its way before it can finally change course. The rest of us palm our foreheads wondering why the political classes cannot see, hear or speak the fucking obvious!^ As I revealed in Badger Caught in Honey Trap. Behold;  

If ClarkSun respects the Honey Badger, so must we respect all badger...There will be no Badger cull. I am not negotiating on this one. Even a squadron of B52s cannot take them down. I have [new] video evidence:

EXCLUSIVE #NaturePorn Bongo Bongo Native with no Bikini

Our exclusive* video shows sex crazy incapacity benefit claiming asylum seekers from Bongo Bongo Land engaging in arduous^ physical activity AT YOUR EXPENSE!

GONADS: Eat Pussy

Newborn Killer/Furry Murdering Bastard

GONADS, the GingerZilla Organisation for Nurture and Development in Science have been warning us for aeons just how dangerous cats are. It is proving difficult to find witnesses as they keep turning up dead. Behold;

Does Santa Drink Piss?

"it is safer to drink the urine of one who has consumed the mushrooms than to eat the mushrooms directly, as many of the toxic compounds are processed and eliminated on the first pass through the body.It was common practice among ancient people to recycle the potent effects of the mushroom by drinking each other's urine. The amanita's ingredients can remain potent even after six passes through the human body. Some scholars argue that this is the origin of the phrase "to get pissed," as this urine-drinking activity preceded alcohol by thousands of years." Christmas Sauce.

Revolting Gay Penguins

Disgusting.

I am awaiting the reaction of the Church and several tory MPs following this disturbing news*

small, non-dominant Atlantic molly males, often overlooked for larger, flashier rivals as mating partners, rose vastly in the esteem of females that observed them copulating - regardless of the partner's sex.

* although if I'm being honest I haven't asked.

Sheep Shagging Zombies @theBBC

A lump of meat is of more use to the BBC than the general public*

To understand the mindset of shoddy journalists is really not hard - they look down on anyone who doesn't agree with them. They also have a pathological fear of sheep that can think for themselves and draw their own conclusions. Thankfully these insurgent thinking sheep only exist in the virtual world and the delete button is ever powerful. Who knows what infection these sheep carry?

Shoddy journalists, along with shoddy politicians have done unspeakable things to children as I revealed on Twitter:

Beaten to Death by Technology: Old Age Terror Plot Stopped

Wicked French Sheep: Like piranhas old people's pensions eat your flesh. 

This morning the two shows ran simultaneously. Why? Was too much thought needed to stagger two watchable shows? TV stations too greedy to manage or justify their appendage off-shoots should do us all a favour and relinquish ownership.Les Johns Old Age Insurgent - Gold Coast Division 

Les it doesn't really matter any more, You can watch online, on a +1 channel, on demand or on your phone. It's free by virtue of adverts projectile vomited at you until you exist out of time and reality. Why manufacture pacifiers when you can create them 'virtually' with a click?*

@lesjohnsles @channeltennews @channel9 have to keep the oldies indoors so we know where to get them when it's roundup time

— theGingerZilla (@thegingerzilla) October 31, 2012

A Bunch of Hunts

Artists impression linked to Tory sources

Rumours have persisted that killing brown things is what is needed in the war against bearded old people. Whilst most people have an aversion to killing, we will have highly trained, but desensitised monkeys perform operations from the comfort of their bedrooms. Although we cannot rule out on of them flipping out and shooting everyone in sight,  we believe casualties on our side will be minimised or we'll have a more subservient press corps.

Rabbit Killing Newt Goes Free

Why did no one else listen when 
My Chemical Romance
said
Run Bunny, Run?
[Artists impression*]

I am disgusted that there has not been an uprising by sane thinking Americans after Newt Gingrich recently said 

There are lots of bunny rabbits to run through, I am the tortoise.

This not just telling the world he is a lizard, which is shocking enough, but he has explicitly admitting that he has premeditated the heinous crime of running over cute bunnies like these:

Dave Rides Horse in Fake Prescription for Glue Scandal

Look into the horses eyes and tell me it's not bricking it.
It's even had its tail cut for ease of access.
No wonder they speak of posh people being 'horsey'

Is Dave the Lizard having possible relations with a horse and is this linked, in a statistically possible but highly improbable way with sex, drugs and animals? We know from previous cases this can never be a good combination and is most likely illegal in all known territories. 

Hybrid Jumping Global Warning Sharks vs Kraken*

Advert from the Ginger Post (**)
(**) not owned funded or linked in any way to Antipodean Beast Corp.

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye [Ancient Source]

Being a parody journalist/blogger, I'm not a believer in holding things in, such as a principles or facts as avid readers will know. However, as the Worlds Greatest [Comedy] Conspiracy Theorist [self proclaimed] I know that everything is connected to the Sun[god] and emissions - even shark shit - so I can understand how systems are important. Yet when your creative belief juices suffer mental constipation because you have sold out your soul and harm others around you it's time to let go. Breathe in. Breathe out. Then laugh.

The Porn of Mother Earth: Animal Prostitution

Penguin Whores

Why have the tabloid Daily Shits* not been protesting profusely about this outrage and why have no bleeding heart liberals tried to #occupy** zoos, jungle warzones (of an officially dead Africa) or indeed the South Pole which is apparently quite hot these days if these sources are anything to go by; 

ADVERT BREAK: PETA Meat Slap Panda Controversy

Feminists at the New Statesman are again viciously attacking Panda's [the most Zen creature in the known universe]:

unlike say, the Ryanair advert banned this week for objectifying its staff, this PETA advert doesn't in the slightest make me want to go vegan. In fact, quite the opposite. So not only will I happily call them out, but I'm going to smother myself in foie gras and panda steaks.

I don't do typos. I do smut it's a populism and boobs thing.

Needy Animals

Emotional blackmail.
Cats should be put down*

Guest Post:

Dark Matters: Spray Painting your InitIation*

NASA, ESA and R. Massey (CIT)

3D [*third eye] distribution of dark matter in the Universe

I am working exclusively today on a new TV program**. The stars are real cops that play cops and robbers with toy weapons, bringing the gritty realism of the streets of Belfast (c. 70's-80's) and Belgrade (c. 1962) bang up to date on the streets of England and Wales. It will be a good old dirty youth fight, with plastic bullets and water cannons daily on prime time Daily Express TV (Channel 5). If this happens during a cold spell this could be excellent as we watch protesters freeze to the spot, making beautiful living (for a short time) ice sculptures.

Giant Panda Wildebeest in Meat Photo Shoot

Panda eating Wildebeest
Did the Wildebeest jump or was it pushed? 

Sunshine and Sweetie appear to have settled down well, but the diet of bamboo, whilst great for roughage does not cure the itch from their ancestral bear blood. They want to fish, but just can't be bothered and supermarkets are totally not Zen (and the packets for bamboo shoots are far too small anyway). Chewing bamboo in such immense quantities is worth the effort only if Complete Zen is achieved.* That was until they landed in Scotland and the psychic ether awoke ancient memories and no bear is a bear without salmon. There is no other reason Sweetie and Sunshine would visit Scotland,which would stretch even the wildest realms of the ancient custom of Panda diplomacy.

Badger Caught in Honey Trap

troops blamed for 'badger' plague

Honninggraevling
Sounds lydmalende [onomatopoeic]

This is an outrage! Even if this Daily Telegraph story is over four years why should I be excluded from showing rage now that I've just found out? The media are full of such story rehashing and as a proud but unemployed tabloid journo wannabe, I claim the right to follow in their footsteps by staying at home or going down the pub. How else am I expected to find sources? Right now I am stuck indoors. It is not safe to go out due to the incoming threat from the North and the cold winds are blowing hard over these Bastard Isles.

#OccupyTuesday Pandamonium

The dangers of saying No to a Panda are not as well known as they should be. Not only is there video evidence of this but my sources confirm:

Though the panda is often assumed to be docile, it has been known to attack humans, presumably out of irritation

This is a perfectly natural response most people have to other people on occasion, like listening to the evil one and his beliebers or when watching the X-Factor which were combined to such effect this week that the UK had a mass protest against him last week.

War on Mexico: America sends in the Grunts

BREAKING: "Mexico fights invasion...Animals crossing into country from Texas"

I warned that GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry was planning a war on Mexico. Now I have found that the Republican stronghold of Texas is regularly sending 50,000 grunts onto Mexican soil in a massive escalation of hostilities although as no one has actually declared war, it's still not a war like the Vietnam Conflict. 

The Grunts, descended from a race of Europeans, are according to my sources "ferocious, destroy crops and attack humans...weigh an average of 220 pounds [100 kilos or 15st 10.5lb], with some weighing up to 330 pounds [a whopping 150 kg or 23st 8.7lb]." 

A Message from the Sun God: Tea Bagging* +the Great Filament

Planting a Muffler* on the Surface of the Sun[god]

"It's one of the biggest things in the entire solar system. A dark filament of magnetism measuring more than 800,000 km from end to end is sprawled diagonally across the face of the Sun[god]. NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory took an ultraviolet picture of the structure during the late hours of Nov. 17th