Eurovisions: It's Not Like I Didn't Feckin' Warn You

7 years ago I warned:

The Sun[god] is sending us a foul wind that may contain some solids. 

There is quite possibly something rotten in the state of Denmark.

And some things not quite so rotten 

We must act soon to reclaim the sacred lands of South South England before it is too late.

Prospective vichy bar owners may wish to stock up now.

Royaume uni nul points will be our destiny until we annex South-South England. The surrender monkeys are overdue a revolution and republic

And it's not like they aren't openly taking the piss with us at this point 

Invade goddammit! 

Annexing #Eurovision

• The Sun[god] is sending us a foul wind that may contain some solids. 
• There is quite possibly something rotten in the state of Denmark. 
• We must act soon to reclaim the sacred lands of South South England before it is too late. 
• Prospective vichy bar owners may wish to stock up now.

EuropeanPorn#1 Daves Dirty Davos Money Shot

Dave Doing the Dirty in Davos.
Disgusting when he should be at home with the wife .

The daily mail missed a brilliant marketing opportunity this week by not offering their readers free tissues when Dave finally delivered the money shot in Europa's face.

Maggies When Harry met Sally moment.

#FutureHistory: German Propaganda

The day after the Thirty-First Double Monday of the Mighty 12
It appears that the Democratic People's Republic of Germany* may be supporting the Global Warning Sharks. In a bid to make them change tact and see the divine error of siding with the French, I propose a third way(**) which will scythe through the propaganda of ages

Dave the Lizard Defending the Tithe

Panda shows reaction to latest economic news
Image

'Cameron is not defending Britain. He is defending his banking paymasters' Craig Murray

Whilst the media have been portraying the recent war with Europe as a staunch defence of Bastardness, it is no surprise that this was stretching the truth where no truth existed. Lizard Dave did this trip knowing his absence from the Bastard Isles would bring down God's wrath upon Scotland as evidenced by the Almighty storm that hit 165mph up a mountain somewhere in the far inhospitable North. There is a reason the Roman's built a friggin' wall - do we never learn the lessons from our past? The lax policies of invading liberal 'larger drinking' southerner Gauls through the years sadly failed to build upon this foundation and keep on building to protect us from the olde Northern Threat.

Sunday Exclusive: French Stick in Britannia

The French trying it on with our Fat Slags

My highly trained but spiritually unmotivated monkeys have found this shocking story which is completely true, however I have redacted names to protect the fallen. However some of it remains graphic in nature and tissues should be kept handy for readers of a Daily Mail persuasion:

Badger Caught in Honey Trap

troops blamed for 'badger' plague

Honninggraevling
Sounds lydmalende [onomatopoeic]

This is an outrage! Even if this Daily Telegraph story is over four years why should I be excluded from showing rage now that I've just found out? The media are full of such story rehashing and as a proud but unemployed tabloid journo wannabe, I claim the right to follow in their footsteps by staying at home or going down the pub. How else am I expected to find sources? Right now I am stuck indoors. It is not safe to go out due to the incoming threat from the North and the cold winds are blowing hard over these Bastard Isles.

End of the World - Marabou Stork Nightmares

Traders and Bankers on the Scrounge

Truth has been spoken from the mouths of the Disciples of the Beast. One Disciple who trades in the virtual world of 21st Century finance, spoke truth to the BBC when he said that it was Goldman Sachs, not politicians, that rule the world:

Robert Peston from the Virtual BBC