#NaturePorn Norwegian Nerds Get TV Wood

"We'll talk about the very nerdy subjects like burning, slicing and stacking the wood, but we'll also have cultural segments with music and poems... People in Norway have a spiritual relationship with fire...Fire is the reason we're here, if there was no firewood, we couldn't live in Norway, we'd freeze." Norway's NRK broadcasts 12-hour wood burning programme BBC

We don't have that much wood in the bastard isles...but we do have old people to burn so we don't freeze. Could we not televise that as well if it gets a bit too nippy? Some of us like to keep it a steady thirty degrees above zero when outside the door it's thirty below. Since we don't have much oil left, it's only logical we burn the elderly when things get nippy.

Does Santa Drink Piss?

"it is safer to drink the urine of one who has consumed the mushrooms than to eat the mushrooms directly, as many of the toxic compounds are processed and eliminated on the first pass through the body.It was common practice among ancient people to recycle the potent effects of the mushroom by drinking each other's urine. The amanita's ingredients can remain potent even after six passes through the human body. Some scholars argue that this is the origin of the phrase "to get pissed," as this urine-drinking activity preceded alcohol by thousands of years." Christmas Sauce.

NASA Porn: HARD Evidence of Kraken at Pole

No wonder it's fucking melting!
This has like never happened in history like ever.
Image: NASA adapted by a megalomaniac.

I once postulated that scientists should do drugs as it would enable them to make ground breaking discoveries:

[scientists] could be made to take mushrooms so rather than trying to see inside the atom they can be the atom. Just imagine what would have happened had Steven Hawkins taken copious amounts of DMT and seen God instead of the universe? Occupational Drugs Not Occupational Hazards

I don't think I counted on the side effect of forgetting what happened last week skewing possible discoveries. Behold:

An Evil Troll - Are you Shitting Me?

Likke Bror: Norske Troll
"Trolls don't think very fast. This one has been caught by daylight and is now becoming a mountain.
Most Norwegian mountains are made of trolls like this one - say some people"
Source: : JNL

There is a reason Santa lives in Norway and not the Eastern half of Scandinavia. There is a reason most Trolls go to Iceland and have to regularly cleanse their fiery bowels afterwards. Evidence of this can be seen throughout the Western Coastline of their Viking homelands, littered with their frozen assets. Behold

Scotland to be Privatised*

Wanted for Crimes Against the Union
Links with far right?

"Alas, I have often said to myself what are the boasted advantages which my country reaps from a certain Union that counterbalance the annihilation of her Independence, and even her name !" 

Scotland, a place where there are twice as many Panda's as there are Conservative Members of Parliament, may be punished for the indiscretion of A Salmon as dark forces threaten to tear the union apart. Rumours have circulated about affairs and rumours persist that our former friends in the North are conspiring with those even further North. Even if these rumours are found to be just that - rumours - sources have said they may just privatise Scotland to bind them to the Union as it would offend God to break the union, and  let's face it, it's only fair that someone makes a profit. As it is, one set of two-timing bastards have accused the other half** of vile things and expect them to lie down and take the abuse. However asking any Scot to lie down and think of England is hardly going to get them in the mood for getting into bed, especially, as history tells us, when there's no gold involved.

Dave the Lizard Defending the Tithe

Panda shows reaction to latest economic news
Image

'Cameron is not defending Britain. He is defending his banking paymasters' Craig Murray

Whilst the media have been portraying the recent war with Europe as a staunch defence of Bastardness, it is no surprise that this was stretching the truth where no truth existed. Lizard Dave did this trip knowing his absence from the Bastard Isles would bring down God's wrath upon Scotland as evidenced by the Almighty storm that hit 165mph up a mountain somewhere in the far inhospitable North. There is a reason the Roman's built a friggin' wall - do we never learn the lessons from our past? The lax policies of invading liberal 'larger drinking' southerner Gauls through the years sadly failed to build upon this foundation and keep on building to protect us from the olde Northern Threat.

Badger Caught in Honey Trap

troops blamed for 'badger' plague

Honninggraevling
Sounds lydmalende [onomatopoeic]

This is an outrage! Even if this Daily Telegraph story is over four years why should I be excluded from showing rage now that I've just found out? The media are full of such story rehashing and as a proud but unemployed tabloid journo wannabe, I claim the right to follow in their footsteps by staying at home or going down the pub. How else am I expected to find sources? Right now I am stuck indoors. It is not safe to go out due to the incoming threat from the North and the cold winds are blowing hard over these Bastard Isles.

Scotland Braves Sun[god]'s Wrath

Conclusive Proof It's Grim Up North

I warned a long time ago about the threat from the North. Those naughty Scots have been very naughty by wanting independence in defiance of the Unionists and Tory Party. That is why staunch government sources are saying the 165mph winds recorded on Thursday are punishment from God.

ADVERT BREAK: Makes You Stupid and Horny

Brought to you by The Northern Threat
in association with Binge Drinking
and sponsored by Panda+Love

Binge Drinking - The New UK Citizenship Test

Alcohol Consumption by Country.
The best way to screen against terrorism and Asylum Seekers from many brown countries.
Image: Wikipedia

Alcohol is an elixir and is essential for a functioning society. As I have argued before:

Communism only collapsed when Mikhail Gorbachev could no longer provide the potatoes to make more Vodka. Why else do you think Boris Yeltsin was the loudest voice leading the calls for Gorby to step down?

Science is also coming round to my way of thinking too:

Winters Icy Drunken Claw - A Very Northern Threat

The nights are drawing down and winter's icy claw slowly stretches over the northern hemisphere. You can tell winter is coming from Scandinavia because animal binge drinking is on the increase as the Swann and the BBC report.

Tweet by Graham Swann Thursday, 8th September 2011