The Kraken in Fishy Figures

The Kraken, wanted for Mass Fish Kill and iffy Greek Entry.*

This awaits moderation. I am disappointed as I didn't call anyone a Kraken denier or accuse them of being a member of UKIP although I, like most Bastards, would benefit from a pub lock in

This clearly pants science and I cannot rule out a possible wedgie being performed upon the public but I digress. Many comments have made salient points for alternative theories but alas like this paper they are wrong. 

First consider the dead stinky fish turning up on our beaches. Whilst many theories are propounded ignore them. If you have watched a Hollywood horror film [Quaid et al] or even read a fictional book you will know this behaviour is a stampede driven by fear. Secondly consider my sage words when we were faced with The Hybrid Global Warning Sharks (of the Climate Apocalypse) [Trademark pending] when it was

New Cuban Missile Crisis: Meteorite American Haarp* Weapon

Russian Bob reports:

the America Imperialist Pig is planning to capture an asteroid and hold small brown countries to ransom if they don't hand over the black gold. 

He also reports NADA may have been behind the meteorite that squeezed into Russian airspace using Haarp* to lull it down from the heavens. This may explain why first hand reports in the Urinals of Russia reported that

The Web of DEATH* Emerges

Don't go out in the #fog #DeadPirates #Gold

— theGingerZilla (@thegingerzilla) December 11, 2012

The recent icy blast is loosening it's grip, sadly for Profit George it also means DEATH loosening his (or her) grip on pensioners throats. As George is a glass half full guy, he is hoping the cold winter storm washes a few away as compensation.

To realise how deep this vast web goes, great mother earth sent a deathly cold fog upon the land so we could see what is often hidden from our heathen eyes. Behold;

America Mobilises Crack Squid as Kraken Invades Japan

Enter the Kraken

(Reuters) - Japan and the United States will hold a biennial joint military exercise in Japan in November in a move likely to further anger China* amid heightened tensions between the two Asian giants over disputed(**) islets in the East China Sea.

About 37,400 military personnel from Japan will join some 10,000 U.S. troops in the November 5-16 drill, an official at Japan's Self-Defence Forces said.

This is the official 'cover story' and therefore contains only vague elements of truth such as using the English alphabet. Before you dive behind the sofa fearing this is one of the opening acts of World War IV no war is planned despite the fervent cries for blood by the Asian Tigers(i)

Kraken Threatens to Eat Polar Bears if Demands not Met

Activists try and avoid being eaten whilst looking for bears that Mann hasn't eaten

BREAKING: The Kraken has threatened to eat all the Polar Bears unless his demands for Gold* are met. A crack squad of Global Warning Sharks has been sent on a mission to the North Pole in the hope of fending him off by bashing him on the nose a few times in the hope he heads back to Greece. Whilst many had hoped to encounter open waters, the Arctic is not as ice free as hoped

NASA Porn: HARD Evidence of Kraken at Pole

No wonder it's fucking melting!
This has like never happened in history like ever.
Image: NASA adapted by a megalomaniac.

I once postulated that scientists should do drugs as it would enable them to make ground breaking discoveries:

[scientists] could be made to take mushrooms so rather than trying to see inside the atom they can be the atom. Just imagine what would have happened had Steven Hawkins taken copious amounts of DMT and seen God instead of the universe? Occupational Drugs Not Occupational Hazards

I don't think I counted on the side effect of forgetting what happened last week skewing possible discoveries. Behold:

Badger Caught in Honey Trap

troops blamed for 'badger' plague

Honninggraevling
Sounds lydmalende [onomatopoeic]

This is an outrage! Even if this Daily Telegraph story is over four years why should I be excluded from showing rage now that I've just found out? The media are full of such story rehashing and as a proud but unemployed tabloid journo wannabe, I claim the right to follow in their footsteps by staying at home or going down the pub. How else am I expected to find sources? Right now I am stuck indoors. It is not safe to go out due to the incoming threat from the North and the cold winds are blowing hard over these Bastard Isles.

'President Bush, Why don’t you shut up? '

Two editorials by Pravda - judge for yourself....
Mr. Bush, Enough!!
...your government is advised by lunatics who belong in psychiatric wards instead of the Pentagon and White House. And you, Mr. Bush, belong in an international criminal court to be judged for your crimes against peace and your crimes against humanity.



Bush: Why don’t you shut up?
“President Bush, Why don’t you shut up? Do you really think anyone gives any importance whatsoever to your words after 8 years of your criminal and murderous regime and policies? Do you really believe you have any moral ground whatsoever and do you really imagine there is a single human being anywhere on this planet who does not stick up his middle finger every time you appear on a TV screen?