#Krakageddon Blowing up the Great Barrier Reef

It has been a long war.

We know in the hunt for Osama Bed Linen it was necessary to drop bombs on mountainsides. We know that 'war games' in the seas occupied by "yellow bastards" was a cover in the Hunt for the Kraken. We now see something fishy with the following story;

US fighter jets dropped inert bombs on the Great Barrier Reef off Australia's coast during a training exercise that went wrong, it has emerged. 

The two planes jettisoned four bombs in more than 50m (165 ft) of water, away from coral, to minimise damage to the World Heritage Site, the US navy said. 

The jets had intended to drop at a bombing range on a nearby island, but Tuesday's [double Monday's] mission was aborted. Communist Rat Sources

The Kraken in Fishy Figures

The Kraken, wanted for Mass Fish Kill and iffy Greek Entry.*

This awaits moderation. I am disappointed as I didn't call anyone a Kraken denier or accuse them of being a member of UKIP although I, like most Bastards, would benefit from a pub lock in

This clearly pants science and I cannot rule out a possible wedgie being performed upon the public but I digress. Many comments have made salient points for alternative theories but alas like this paper they are wrong. 

First consider the dead stinky fish turning up on our beaches. Whilst many theories are propounded ignore them. If you have watched a Hollywood horror film [Quaid et al] or even read a fictional book you will know this behaviour is a stampede driven by fear. Secondly consider my sage words when we were faced with The Hybrid Global Warning Sharks (of the Climate Apocalypse) [Trademark pending] when it was

Scrounging Murdering Benefit Cheats

Caught in the Act!
The Government and Pensioners.

On 555 he that was ushered forth as a high priest of the economy took a vow. Gideon the Profligate Profit promised to serve the Great Orifice in defence of the Kraken. Alas he has been distracted by what falsely glitters and the promise of a job as a frontman for the Goldman that sacks towns, cities and bank accounts.

New Cuban Missile Crisis: Meteorite American Haarp* Weapon

Russian Bob reports:

the America Imperialist Pig is planning to capture an asteroid and hold small brown countries to ransom if they don't hand over the black gold. 

He also reports NADA may have been behind the meteorite that squeezed into Russian airspace using Haarp* to lull it down from the heavens. This may explain why first hand reports in the Urinals of Russia reported that

Germany Demands Gold for Kraken

Because of greedy french bastards the Kraken will break free!
How on earth will we get pissed on now?

Last year I revealed (by quoting someone else) in No Gold Shocker for Kraken;

America’s gold is off limits to seemingly everyone and has never been properly audited. Doesn’t that seem odd to you?

and warned in my own words;

Kraken down on the Banks

Pay up or else!

Just as the criminal justice system is not a racist conspiracy, neither is it a fair or equal system. Each step of the way, from policing, to courts, to counsel, to sentencing, to prison, to parole and pardons, the system falls most heavily on the backs of the poor, innocent or guilty. Designed to control and contain the dangertous classes, the criminal justice system "works" and functions perfectly well in safeguarding the political and economic status quo.

Kraken down on Deniers

I warned but no you didn't listen.

NASA to Kill Lunar Robot Twins

As the penultimate Double Monday of the mighty 12 rolls over this planet I can exclusively reveal a suicide mission by NASA to take out the Kraken's base of operations in Europa. They are sending robot Martyrs who will sacrifice their microchip souls after being promised some virgin hardware in Silicone Heaven. The conversation may have gone something like this;

#FutureHistory We Dont Need No Stinking Gold Standards

If you tilt your head the Golden Krakenhead appears*

He who has the gold, makes the rules.

To see the root of evil sometimes you only need to scrape away the shit in your eyes. Only then will you see that nothing really changes and just like our ancestors we are deep in shit not of our own making.

Britain is the slave of an international financial bloc.

Kraken Down on Gold

"when will the people of the UK demand some justice from their Prime Minister, whose borderline act of treason merely to bailout a few financial institutions". Tyler Durden

America Mobilises Crack Squid as Kraken Invades Japan

Enter the Kraken

(Reuters) - Japan and the United States will hold a biennial joint military exercise in Japan in November in a move likely to further anger China* amid heightened tensions between the two Asian giants over disputed(**) islets in the East China Sea.

About 37,400 military personnel from Japan will join some 10,000 U.S. troops in the November 5-16 drill, an official at Japan's Self-Defence Forces said.

This is the official 'cover story' and therefore contains only vague elements of truth such as using the English alphabet. Before you dive behind the sofa fearing this is one of the opening acts of World War IV no war is planned despite the fervent cries for blood by the Asian Tigers(i)

Cuban Sword[fish] Plot on President Stopped

EXCLUSIVE: President Osama sent a crack squid* to take down a Cuban swordfish that was planning to assassinate him. The plan had been to draw the president to Bikini Atoll fora fishing trip/photo op where he would be become a fish kebab. This narrow miss for the president was stopped by an agent, known only as Mick the Mule, who came forward with a press release from a red haired witch who has come into a lot of money. I warned about this ages ago. Behold;

Rumours that youtube tried to buy the rights for the Fish Kebab clip have not been denied, but then again I haven't asked them.

I am not the bloody messiah

I found this disgrace on wickedpedea

From the balcony of a West London embassy the dissident's mother cried out "He's not the messiah, he's just a very naughty boy." I know this as I have seen the video

That the people were duly distracted was highlighted by communist rat George  Galloway of the pro rape Respect party

Old Age Terrorists #21 Reclaim Ram Raiding

Do we wait until there's nothing left in the bank?
Old people do your duty for your country.

Open Season on the bankers has been declared. Underneath the media sensationalism and faux political rage at the bloody bankers we see the whole edifice crumbling. With hyper inflation, anarchy and the Kraken visiting coastal Europe being just around the corner, it can only be a matter of time before the extreme measures that are needed to save us from the precipice will be welcomed by the mewling cabbages. Instead of allowing such evil forces to fly above our heads at five am on a Sunday morning because Heathrow has issues with it's penis size, we must embrace the spirit of ancient volcano gods and sacrifice.

My idea of reintroducing Fox Hunting replacing foxes with Conservative MPs, was sadly not taken up by the Coalition, however. They have taken the spirit of my policy ideas to heart and have substituted their place [of being grossly unfit and detested by the people] with bankers fresh from their bonuses. Someone always has to take flack and these fattened calves are now being prepared for the greatest televisual spectacle of all time.*

Sun[god] to CERN[god] "Meh"

Public information films have only taught me that America was a very violent place and is prone to being flattened in a series of disasters brought on by an addiction to pornographic levels of DOOM. However, rather than respond to aggression in kind, the Sun[god] went Meh

"The sunspot's magnetic canopy is crackling with almost [but nearly]-X class flares...each "crackle" releases more energy than a billion atomic bombs" SpaceWeather

 Although to us mere mortals this is quite possibly a vulgar display of power, which is quite the in thing in the news these days, on earth we mirrored this Great Meh when we reacted to the news that CERN, the Communist European Rat Nursery, announced that they have nearly but not quite found what they are looking for before passing out the begging bowl so they can continue to communicate with God.

The Kraken Built Stonehenge

Scientists and archaeologists have postulated for what seems like an eternity about the true nature of Stonehenge and how these great monolithic rocks appeared on our sacred isles. Now after consulting Bob and my online legion of monkeys, I can exclusively reveal the truth to the world

No Gold Shocker for Kraken

In this very building, deep in the underground vaults, sits billions of dollars of gold**, held by the Federal Reserve for foreign governments. The Federal Reserve gives regular tours of these vaults, even to school children. Yet, America’s gold is off limits to seemingly everyone and has never been properly audited. Doesn’t that seem odd to you? If nothing else, does anyone at the Fed know the quality and fineness of the gold at Fort Knox? Bob to the Feds: "Leave the Building to the Four-Legged Rats" 

I ask if this is a tacit admission that the federal reserve should be given over to communists rats? We all know the Kraken has been promised this long overdue offering of gold,* If all contracts are to be off then this could get very, very ugly.

* less a six per cent administrative fee for all Kraken based consultations.

#ClassicsPorn: Useless Father Ulysses on Run from Jeremy Kyle

Odysseus later told the wife he was thinking of her
Will Jeremy Kyle make Odysseus take a lie detector test?
Well, well, well.

Through the howling wind and rain that whipped the sea in to light salty meringue they sailed; on between the scylla and charibdis to meet with the Kraken. The local economy has nosedived and the signs in the heavens are ominous...

Hole
Image: Chris Schur

Alas, with some their decisions will always be suspect. This could be why in real life and unlike with many RPG's once you lose your soul, there's no getting it back. It is in these gray areas of legislation where Knights of the Corporation exploit their exemption from tax loopholes sub-clauses given in their favour, known as the accidentally on purpose form of global economics.


Zombies always spread their contamination and always evolve into a flesh eating blob by the end of the chapter. This story is as old as that of heroes - the only one to get out alive kind. GONADS scientists have shown these ancient tales are elaborate cover stories for contract serial killers. The fact they keep getting caught in these situations should automatically alert the authorities, alas it never does. It is just accepted as truth, no matter the holes or body count. We simply move on into history. Take Odysseus's version of events;

"I was driven thence by foul winds for a space of nine days upon the sea, but on the tenth day we reached the land of the Lotus-eater, who live on a food that comes from a kind of flower. Here we landed to take in fresh water, and our crews got their mid-day meal on the shore near the ships. When they had eaten and drunk I sent two of my company to see what manner of men the people of the place might be, and they had a third man under them. They started at once, and went about among the Lotus-eaters, who did them no hurt, but gave them to eat of the lotus, which was so delicious that those who ate of it left off caring about home, and did not even want to go back and say what had happened to them, but were for staying and munching lotus with the Lotus-eater without thinking further of their return; nevertheless, though they wept bitterly I forced them back to the ships and made them fast under the benches. Then I told the rest to go on board at once, lest any of them should taste of the lotus and leave off wanting to get home, so they took their places and smote the grey sea with their oars.  The Odyssey Book IX

ASIF. Sources have informed me that Odysseus was allegedly trafficking a mind bending drug called 'lotus' hoping to peddle it to children back in Ithaca. After finding out the real reason behind his journey, Drug Lord Odysseus used every opportunity the gods presented him to bump off his ship mates and most of the cast. The only monster on his travels was Odysseus himself. He has overt communist leanings and eradicated several species on the endangered species list. Whilst to many the tale of this admitted philandering drug baron may sound like a case for Miss Marple, avid readers of this blog should know she is not only elderly - and therefore untrustworthy - but evil. In cases like these, the long arm of public law must be felt. Odysseus must not be allowed to take the easy option and appear in court. We demand that he is ordered to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show, so he can be berated for being a useless absent father. We demand take the lie detector test to see if ate his shipmates and just how many Mediterranean goddesses he really shagged?

Only Odysseus lived and we trust his account of things?

Kraken Threatens to Eat Polar Bears if Demands not Met

Activists try and avoid being eaten whilst looking for bears that Mann hasn't eaten

BREAKING: The Kraken has threatened to eat all the Polar Bears unless his demands for Gold* are met. A crack squad of Global Warning Sharks has been sent on a mission to the North Pole in the hope of fending him off by bashing him on the nose a few times in the hope he heads back to Greece. Whilst many had hoped to encounter open waters, the Arctic is not as ice free as hoped

Launch Madness on the Kraken

Launch madness will hit the east coast...as NASA launches five rockets in approximately five minutes to study the high-altitude jet stream from its Wallops Flight Facility in Virginia...This jet stream is located in the same region where strong electrical currents occur in the ionosphere. It is therefore a region with a lot of electrical turbulence, of the type that can adversely affect satellite and radio communications.

These warning shots were quite potent