Blackhole? Bermuda Triangle? Has Porn Solved the Missing Airline Mystery?

This has come in over the wire

The Twitter account of US Airways crashed into a black hole of unknown origin, possibly due to a lack of a landing strip

Bermuda Triangle?
The full unadulterated image 

cc_rider: Damn... I think they just figured out what happened to that missing 777.

Whatthefark: This raises the question, has Malaysia Airlines checked all vaginas for the missing plane? If they have, what were the results? If they haven't, then why not. Cover up? Was it found in the vagina of Malaysia Airlines owner's wife? Were multiple pieces found in multiple vaginas? Farking source

This is an interesting proposition and not without merit, however to accommodate a fully grown aeroplane we need a bigger pussy. 

Tony Blair in Hacking Scandal*

Not the kind of offensive word you expect from a predictive text function. Imagine the outrage if a child had typed such an innocent phrase into their Guide to the [Social] Galaxy? 

Say hello to my little friend

It is entirely possible my Guide was been hacked by dark forces - darker even than the dark forces amassing against the repressed natives of Bongo Bongo land, who it just so happens have been linked to Diamonds, Guns and Transplants. There is no other logical reason for this effrontery.

* technically this is correct, however for the purposes of avoiding hefty legal fees for the temerity of breathing "to my knowledge the grinning side kick of the 5th Horseman apocalypse has already been linked to the hacking scandal and crime. As a result of this offensive communication I have been caused considerable distress including instant defecation whenever someone mentions his name. He has ruined my life and has not denied eating my hamster."

GONADS: Eat Pussy

Newborn Killer/Furry Murdering Bastard

GONADS, the GingerZilla Organisation for Nurture and Development in Science have been warning us for aeons just how dangerous cats are. It is proving difficult to find witnesses as they keep turning up dead. Behold;

Hacking the Detectives*

A senior Met Police detective has been convicted of trying to sell information on the phone-hacking probe to the tabloid at the centre of the scandal. [Detective Casbah], at the time the most senior female investigator in Scotland Yard's counter terrorism command, denied asking for cash - and said she had contacted the newspaper out of the public interest. [she] told the jury she was angry that her superiors at Scotland Yard had decided to divert officers from counter terrorism.

Cuban Sword[fish] Plot on President Stopped

EXCLUSIVE: President Osama sent a crack squid* to take down a Cuban swordfish that was planning to assassinate him. The plan had been to draw the president to Bikini Atoll fora fishing trip/photo op where he would be become a fish kebab. This narrow miss for the president was stopped by an agent, known only as Mick the Mule, who came forward with a press release from a red haired witch who has come into a lot of money. I warned about this ages ago. Behold;

Rumours that youtube tried to buy the rights for the Fish Kebab clip have not been denied, but then again I haven't asked them.

I am not the bloody messiah

I found this disgrace on wickedpedea

From the balcony of a West London embassy the dissident's mother cried out "He's not the messiah, he's just a very naughty boy." I know this as I have seen the video

That the people were duly distracted was highlighted by communist rat George  Galloway of the pro rape Respect party

Solar Elephant After His Hole?

Shocking "huge prominence" by Michael Buxton

If the above image is as SpaceWeather speculated an Elephant then it may have foretold of Mitt Romney's visit to the Holy Lands of Britain and Israel where he was greeted as a leper and Messiah respectively. 

However, a far more plausible theory was that it was a woolly mammoth, a portent foretelling not only how bloody cold it's going to get but the chosen would be hidden from what is to come. Behold

Dave's Benefits Shocker: Jobs for Cabbage Patch Dolls

The Tory Party Work Waggon came to take the local benefit scroungers home after their day in the fields.

With the economy in a slump, poor people never cease in their ability to entertain the privileged - as long as they are in cages, behind walls or being viewed from afar. My source Bob has exclusively revealed to me that Dave 'the Lizard' Cameron - who may or may not end up scrounging in bins for party funds if his cosy dinners are stopped - has decided to launch an offensive against anyone on disability benefit. This is part of his wider war on benefits which has Daily Mail readers ordering record quantities of tissues. With the War on France* still at the phoney stage it has been decided that we should at least be fighting something. Now whilst fighting poverty is seen in some nefarious quarters as a laudable leftie [translation: communist rat] thing to do when you are not chucking bombs at brown people, for those of a more right wing persuasion there is nothing better than smashing the poor in the face marching poor people to the Gulags where they can begin to earn their keep and eat cabbages. If it gets really cold then there's nothing wrong with burning poor people as a sustainable heating source.

Snuff Fiction Redux: Legalities

To Kill or Not to Kill

Global warming is hoax and a reality. The the idea of a liberal media owned by very rich people is a hoax and a reality. Freedom is a hoax and a reality. They are also incredibly boring to many people who have no interest in delving deeper and taking the blue pill. This can be the only logical reason that no one has paid attention to the warnings I have been screaming like a shrill caught in the headlights about the dangers we face from the notorious FUGITIVE justin bieber 

I seriously give up on you people. NO ONE IS LISTENING. He is scarier than pink milk or a plague of fucking VVASPs that enter your twilight dreams as soon as the first burst of summer blows up. In My Honest Opinion he threatens us all. If they could conquer Al-Capone on a tax charge then we finally have something tangible to attack beliebers with! Everything is relative, subjective and open to interpretation. If the world wasn't this way the legal profession would look like this

War on Mexico: America sends in the Grunts

BREAKING: "Mexico fights invasion...Animals crossing into country from Texas"

I warned that GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry was planning a war on Mexico. Now I have found that the Republican stronghold of Texas is regularly sending 50,000 grunts onto Mexican soil in a massive escalation of hostilities although as no one has actually declared war, it's still not a war like the Vietnam Conflict. 

The Grunts, descended from a race of Europeans, are according to my sources "ferocious, destroy crops and attack humans...weigh an average of 220 pounds [100 kilos or 15st 10.5lb], with some weighing up to 330 pounds [a whopping 150 kg or 23st 8.7lb]." 

Bishop Bashing Bieber

Did Gok wear glasses as a child? Did he refuse just in case he looked like Rolly?
Never hit someone wearing glasses unless they are bieber. It's for the greater good. 

It's was so evil that I had no choice but to make it silly to gut his evil spleen with laughter. Do not listen to the Cock One who has ingested record levels of the Dark Lord's wiggly stuff. Put wax in your ears (or alternately don't clean them in the first place) so that you cannot hear the insect frequency that drowns out pure thought.

The Lying Bastards* are Innocent

Such is the state of our democracy that journalists complain about protesters being 'self-appointed'

and serial bigots the Daily Mail along with serial hackers the Sun (who can never say sorry enough for Hillsborough or for their sister hacking dead soldiers) seem to be directing policy:

Then we hear that following this exchange "for several days there was media silence in France...a decision had been taken not to embarrass the French president":

Old Age Terrorists – They Hate our Freedom

If this scarf doesn't convince you I don't know what will.
Image: allhalloween.net

Update: Since I wrote this policy proposal, I have attracted the attentions of one Les Johns who is stalking me. He is a self described "old bastard virtually on the lam from Queensland police who promised a mental evaluation test." As he seems to have cracked my code of small font I am reducing the font ever more in the hope to confuse him. This should be easy considering his age, however never discount what an old determined person can do as I highlight below. 

********************

An innocuous radio advert* in 2010 by the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) was banned by the Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) because it "could cause serious offence." I am offended by this decision, as avid readers of this blog should know by now. 

When I casually mentioned this to someone they replied they said it reminded them of Old Age Pensioners. But I know that all is not as it seems. It is perfectly reasonable to suspect everyone, even your granny, After all, if we want to stop terror we must do everything to stop Old Age Terrorists (OAT’s).