Germany Invades (Again)**

FreD A portent of Fiscal Aggression Deutschland Style

Look I keep fucking telling you people,

Well it seems my words have prompted the Germans into action and the ugliness is about to begin = more ugly in fact than the 'amporphous blob of animal fat' Gerard Depardieu.

Why Irish Bastards Drink*

You would love Ireland. We have two seasons. In Winter the rain is cold. In Summer the rain is warm.
We see funny round things in the sky occasionally. People say they are the Sun and the Moon, but we never see enough of either to be sure :-) turning up the heating

Instead of just getting drunk and having a good time we should pause and contemplate that there is a greater need to reflect on the deep irony of celebrating driving the snakes from Ireland when it is once again infested with a den of vipers. Behold;

The four-leaf clover is an uncommon variation of the common, three-leaved clover. According to tradition, such leaves bring good luck to their finders, especially if found accidentally. Wickedpedia

This is of course LIES! A four leaf shamrock brings a curse especially if you find two together and pick up a penny.  He who finds such dark tokens will be visited thrice by shitty misfortune.

* welcome new readers and know this; we are proud to be Bastards it is a good thing. To be french is not which is why we must invade Normandy again. I am considering launching the offensive under the cover of eurovision.

#OccupyFriday Baldrick Bashes Bankers

EuropeanPorn#1 Daves Dirty Davos Money Shot

Dave Doing the Dirty in Davos.
Disgusting when he should be at home with the wife .

The daily mail missed a brilliant marketing opportunity this week by not offering their readers free tissues when Dave finally delivered the money shot in Europa's face.

Maggies When Harry met Sally moment.

Kraken down on the Banks

Pay up or else!

Just as the criminal justice system is not a racist conspiracy, neither is it a fair or equal system. Each step of the way, from policing, to courts, to counsel, to sentencing, to prison, to parole and pardons, the system falls most heavily on the backs of the poor, innocent or guilty. Designed to control and contain the dangertous classes, the criminal justice system "works" and functions perfectly well in safeguarding the political and economic status quo.

#FutureHistory We Dont Need No Stinking Gold Standards

If you tilt your head the Golden Krakenhead appears*

He who has the gold, makes the rules.

To see the root of evil sometimes you only need to scrape away the shit in your eyes. Only then will you see that nothing really changes and just like our ancestors we are deep in shit not of our own making.

Britain is the slave of an international financial bloc.

Muffle Santa: Dunk Your Tea Bag for Victory!

Our fargan rights are being violated!

Can anyone explain the naked man on a statue outside Whitehall? twitter.com/twistedguru/st…

— Ellie Ohajah (@twistedguru) November 23, 2012

I had hoped to hold off on my plans until after the full moon, especially as I saw an agent of the Baron who narrowly escaped my flap crushing blow. Sadly the intolerable levels of Christmas adverts along with the sight of a very drunk crooner dry humping a turtle have left me no other choice. 

Old Age Terrorists #21 Reclaim Ram Raiding

Do we wait until there's nothing left in the bank?
Old people do your duty for your country.

Open Season on the bankers has been declared. Underneath the media sensationalism and faux political rage at the bloody bankers we see the whole edifice crumbling. With hyper inflation, anarchy and the Kraken visiting coastal Europe being just around the corner, it can only be a matter of time before the extreme measures that are needed to save us from the precipice will be welcomed by the mewling cabbages. Instead of allowing such evil forces to fly above our heads at five am on a Sunday morning because Heathrow has issues with it's penis size, we must embrace the spirit of ancient volcano gods and sacrifice.

My idea of reintroducing Fox Hunting replacing foxes with Conservative MPs, was sadly not taken up by the Coalition, however. They have taken the spirit of my policy ideas to heart and have substituted their place [of being grossly unfit and detested by the people] with bankers fresh from their bonuses. Someone always has to take flack and these fattened calves are now being prepared for the greatest televisual spectacle of all time.*

#FutureHistory: Reclaim Friday13th

“Man, once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without rudder, is the sport of every wind. With such persons, gullibility, which they call faith, takes the helm from the hand of reason and the mind becomes a wreck.” –Thomas Jefferson, letter to James Smith, 1822

I propose to offer old people as a sacrifice to appease the volcano gods

At this time of the waning, let us hope that the light stays with us in the darkness. Let us 

Loch Ness Monster Seen on Surface of Sun

French sources have been watching the power of the Sungod and have said :

"the giant prominence is evolving very fast now ! When I started imaging it was looking like a Diplodocus !

I am no skilled amateur at this. I am truly gifted because I was given the gift of sight after experiencing 17 aftershocks. The gateway opened on 11/11/11 did not let in Dinosaurs and was not a metaphorical message to dig trenches, which German Chancellor Angela Merkel used just so she could mention the war. It's not a dinosaur, it's not a serpent or even a Chinese fire dragon, it's clearly a Nessie.

Old Age Terrorists – They Hate our Freedom

If this scarf doesn't convince you I don't know what will.
Image: allhalloween.net

Update: Since I wrote this policy proposal, I have attracted the attentions of one Les Johns who is stalking me. He is a self described "old bastard virtually on the lam from Queensland police who promised a mental evaluation test." As he seems to have cracked my code of small font I am reducing the font ever more in the hope to confuse him. This should be easy considering his age, however never discount what an old determined person can do as I highlight below. 

********************

An innocuous radio advert* in 2010 by the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) was banned by the Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) because it "could cause serious offence." I am offended by this decision, as avid readers of this blog should know by now. 

When I casually mentioned this to someone they replied they said it reminded them of Old Age Pensioners. But I know that all is not as it seems. It is perfectly reasonable to suspect everyone, even your granny, After all, if we want to stop terror we must do everything to stop Old Age Terrorists (OAT’s).

STFU David Cameron

I don't agree with the sentiment (see below) but this is a funky tune and as a self confessed mashhead I couldn't help but admire the aesthetics of mashing Max Keiser into a funky song you can dance to.

With a little bit of work - call it 'polishing' - this could and should be released for Christmas to take on the Great Satans: Beliebers and Simon CowellBeasts. I would of course change the words 'David Cameron' because otherwise this will upset the Kraken and he'll demand a bigger tithe. I know no one has ever seen this Kraken but just the sound of it scares me. When it comes to the economy and gold, better safe than sorry.

Cameron Forgives Greece and Rioters but will the Kraken

An Artists Impression of the Tithe Collection in Greece
[Image: Wikipedia]

GingerZilla News: If you believe, it will come

Politicians in Europe go into a cyclical frenzy of saying they need more money to pay the banks and credit agencies, but my sources have revealed the shocking truth.

The banks and credit agencies have a chosen few who take the offerings to the coast and then hide. After the great crashing of waves has subsided they come out and find the tithe has been taken.  Although no one has seen it and there's not even a hoax video on YouTube, we can reveal that it is the Kraken that appears in Greece every few months to collect a tithe before disappearing back into the warm Mediterranean Seas. It was hoped that the continued offerings would limit the appearances to Greece, however there have been rumours of sightings off the coasts of Ireland, Spain, Portugal and now Italy, which deeply upset those hoping their version of Judge Judy would distract the locals. Some reports even suggested an appearance off the Coast of Libya earlier this year, however sources claim the locals' Nescafe had been spiked with hallucinogens and made them go a bit tutti fruity.

Hunting Hoodies

One month on and I am still quite fragile and prone to fear in the aftermath of the #riots* [a.k.a. #londonriots #ukriots #englishriots]. I was suspicious about geese movement and birds tweeting beforehand and as we now know tweeting may have been responsible for the riots – despite what Ken Clarke and various think tanks may have said since.

Blue Sky Thinking or Praying to the Volcano Gods

The Airlines are moaning yet again crying into their meagre soup, telling us that when it comes to Icelandic volcanoes called Eyjafjallajokull and safety in the skies:

“airlines are best placed to take the final decisions on whether or not it is safe to fly”

Yes, the people who run corporations (such as airlines) and have a legal duty to their shareholders to make money are of course the best placed to make this decision. And of course, “European governments [should] bail out the airlines with what ultimately is taxpayers' money” for not allowing them to fly last time around.