#InformationWars : The Fightback Against Evil Fokkers

"I don't even like ice cream, I just enjoy the sound of a child's screams."

With those words, finally the truth has crossed the threshold into electronic print at the notorious hotbed of communist rat propaganda that is the Guardian. These words, from an unnamed but obviously meticulously reliable source, finally speaks truth to power and challenges the long held falsehoods of apologists against action. Behold!

It is often said that in the event of a nuclear war, the only thing left will be cockroaches. But that’s sadly not true; cockroaches aren’t that much more resistant to radiation than we are. You know what creature is incredibly resistant to radiation, though? A type of wasp! 

EXCLUSIVE #NaturePorn Bongo Bongo Native with no Bikini

Our exclusive* video shows sex crazy incapacity benefit claiming asylum seekers from Bongo Bongo Land engaging in arduous^ physical activity AT YOUR EXPENSE!

Maggie Maggie Maggie Out Out Out

Two days ago I know I called for an end to her benefits

Megalomaniac Politics Feed.

but this was not what I had in mind. Behold;

Guardian Politics Live Feed

#CommunistRats Hugo's Mutant DNA Strain

Fear and Loathing in Brasil 

Apparently I'm supposed to do a piece about Hugo Chavez. As he has mutant DNA, great swathes of the western world are eagerly waiting to piss on his grave. I asked if I should be compassionate to another human being but apparently he is not just a communist rat, but the feared National Socialist strain. In this light I will rehash something from six earth cycles ago in Dig Deep for Oil Relief. Behold;

#FutureHistory: Media Vampires

An Artists Impression.
I like to think it's a premonition foretelling Dave riding a dead horse.
It is no coincidence. Statistically nothing ever is.

New allegations have emerged of the existence of secret internal emails(**) that show Rupert 'the Antipodean Beast' Murdoch believes Trevor Kavanagh from the sun[red rag] is a vampire. Kav cannot be put down by conventional methods as supernatural blood flows through the pages he weaves, or it could just be that there is such an overwhelming miasma spewing from the pages that it's impossible to tell who's guilty and who just happens to work in admin because everyone is covered in shit. I find this far more palatable than a bizarre love triangle involving ex-soviet states, witch hunts and terrorists.

Speaking of love triangles, ex communicated ginger, Rebekah Brooks has remained silent on alleged sexual relations with horses, but then again no one has asked her. This did not stop former Times editor Andrew Neil saying that Dave 'did not have sexual relations with that horse'. Others have seen this possible connection and the media are always the ones to tell us, by a nudge a wink and a inference here or there, there is no smoke without fire - unless of course you are gassing old people. In such circumstances, where rogues are popping out of the woodwork it is no wonder that they are liable to be

"arrested on suspicion of intimidation of a witness (contrary to Section 51 of the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994) and encouraging or assisting an offence (contrary to Section 46 of the Serious Crime Act 2007)."

Now if I was to follow tablord* logic I would defile any presumption of innocence and quote unnamed colleagues sources I just made up saying he intimidated them with his penis. Intimidating witnesses is of course a Mafia tactic, as is paying off the police. However, as Kav is not from the pauper class he must be handled delicately and mercifully by his former masters in the TabLords who defer to their 'worthy' - and therefore far more depraved - elder brothers and sisters to perform this ritual 'banishment' from the family business at least until they can sneak them in the backdoor. These more eloquent gobshites on the Broad Shites* take a few thousand words to achieve a slightly more cerebral illusion of fear and malice towards their fellow man that the red head younger siblings manage in a single headline. This fear spreads. The only way to defeat fear is to see the world through the eyes of love and laughter, not omerta

*TabLord [tablets of the Lords], Broad Shites [Broadsheets], the Medium of Imagination [Psychic Television Channels]

(**) My sources, which I obviously cannot disclose, claim to have seen these emails and stored a copy on a hard drive that then suffered from the dreaded click of doom (COD) after an invigorating interaction with the Matrix and the floor.

IMAGE DISCLAIMER: I am indebted to the work of those throughout FutureHistory who produce the images I highlight. Everything that we are, we owe to someone else who did the donkey work for us. This is in contrast to the current thesis that everything is new, amazing and better than before and that our ancestors were a bunch of donkey fucking inbreds.

Premonitions of the Faces of Evil

Some of the Kraken's effluent.
He may have escaped three cycles ago.
He must be lured back to the Mediterranean.
Our very future is at steak.
Image: Broken TV.

The future, the past and today are all the same.

The threats we face today are no different than those of our ancestors.

We are their collective imagination

What will be, has been

There is only FutureHistory

I intend to write it

Christmas Pandamonium

Copycat Bastards
I Blame Hislop for nicking my ideas
I mean he hasn't denied it!

MailWorld: Shoulda Held that Front Page!

MailOnline making it up as they go

I take heart from this debacle as it proves what I have known all along about newspapers. They make it up as they go. So do I.

Advert Break: FootballZilla

Although if I am honest it does involve a staggeringly implausible series of connections that are statistically possible. 42 is involved.

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Let him go.

Knock Down Ginger

     

I should have a sense of fellowship for my Ginger brethren - I am after all a vociferous exponent/activist for Ginger Rights and with good reason.

Hunting Hoodies

One month on and I am still quite fragile and prone to fear in the aftermath of the #riots* [a.k.a. #londonriots #ukriots #englishriots]. I was suspicious about geese movement and birds tweeting beforehand and as we now know tweeting may have been responsible for the riots – despite what Ken Clarke and various think tanks may have said since.

And all because…

Cameron met a black man

The Real King is Dead - Long Live the King

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defence than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death

Martin Luther King had a dream that went beyond the "romanticized and whitewashed...in order to fit the man and his struggle neatly within the prevailing political and economic power structures in a largely uncritical and non-threatening manner. This portrayal of Dr. King has been mass marketed as an accommodationist figure and is now so pervasive in our schools, media, etc. that it threatens to neutralize and placate the most ambitious, daring and challenging of King's critique along with his struggle to confront and organize against not only racism, but economic exploitation and militarism-imperialism as well."

Capitalism - A Marabou Stork Nightmare

It's only Monday and the markets are taking a hammering and the dollar is crashing again. As usual the BBC's Robert Peston offered some analysis on Meltdown Monday but unsurprisingly its the comments from the public that are more insightful than the BBC's own(although I do concede that there is another bovine element that post on message boards). Take for example this gem from sizzlestick:

"In 1997, we dumb Asians listened in abject humility as the "wise" men of both IMF and the World Bank lectured us what a sound financial system should be like. These guys went so far as to brand Malaysian PM Dr. Mahathir an incompetent Finance Minister who practised [sic] voodoo economics. 

So how now? Any wise advices [sic] for the incompetent US Fed Governor and Secretary of the Treasury."

The Gervaise family are known for their long beaks and links to General Depravity.
GONADS have theorised these features evolved for digging in corpses and snorting Columbia's finest.

Well, for what it's worth, I have some advice.

Grizzly Bears & The Sun says...it Must be True!!!

To my eternal shame I sometimes read the Sun - though in my defence I do not buy the paper and only look to see what the sharp end of the latest propaganda from the Antipodean Beast is. Unlike the broadsheets owned by the Antipodean Beast who often use mealy words, the Sun don't mince theirs - although they do make them up on many an occasion. (I am expecting them to pronounce 'Let's Bomb Russia' in the next few days!)