ADVERT BREAK: PETA Meat Slap Panda Controversy

Feminists at the New Statesman are again viciously attacking Panda's [the most Zen creature in the known universe]:

unlike say, the Ryanair advert banned this week for objectifying its staff, this PETA advert doesn't in the slightest make me want to go vegan. In fact, quite the opposite. So not only will I happily call them out, but I'm going to smother myself in foie gras and panda steaks.

I don't do typos. I do smut it's a populism and boobs thing.

ADVERT BREAK: Tory vs. Salmon (ft Nazi Panda Bear)

Some have speculated this Panda is in a medically induced coma, some have even said they are performing a nuanced interpretation of the last days of our economy as it turns into a zombie leaving the viewer wondering how long the apocalypse can feature in sequels. Yet when viewed through the softened lens of the Theory of Bob, one can see the Panda exploring the light within and without. In a single gesture this Panda has conveyed all there is to be said for the economic and weather forecasts for 2012 yet leaves us with hope. In a powerhouse performance that must surely be entered for this year's Turner Prize, we are shown the solar kick, not once but twice 1-2 confirming it's mystic origins. 

Giant Panda Wildebeest in Meat Photo Shoot

Panda eating Wildebeest
Did the Wildebeest jump or was it pushed? 

Sunshine and Sweetie appear to have settled down well, but the diet of bamboo, whilst great for roughage does not cure the itch from their ancestral bear blood. They want to fish, but just can't be bothered and supermarkets are totally not Zen (and the packets for bamboo shoots are far too small anyway). Chewing bamboo in such immense quantities is worth the effort only if Complete Zen is achieved.* That was until they landed in Scotland and the psychic ether awoke ancient memories and no bear is a bear without salmon. There is no other reason Sweetie and Sunshine would visit Scotland,which would stretch even the wildest realms of the ancient custom of Panda diplomacy.

Christmas Pandamonium

Copycat Bastards
I Blame Hislop for nicking my ideas
I mean he hasn't denied it!