Sun[god] to Dave Kiss my Ring

When they said it was a very hot curry...

For the past few days I have been in a deep comatose state trance communicating with the Sun[god] asking why cats are allowed to exist and why there is a such a lack of media frenzy about faith facism*

Pret withdraws 'Virgin Mary' crisps bbc.co.uk/news/uk-213060… Christofascists! Coming over here trying to put us under Vatican law #FaithRage

— theGingerZilla (@thegingerzilla) February 2, 2013

EuropeanPorn#1 Daves Dirty Davos Money Shot

Dave Doing the Dirty in Davos.
Disgusting when he should be at home with the wife .

The daily mail missed a brilliant marketing opportunity this week by not offering their readers free tissues when Dave finally delivered the money shot in Europa's face.

Maggies When Harry met Sally moment.

Is Lizard Dave Turning into Nick Griffin?*

Nick Yesterday.

Old Age Terrorists#17: Death or Taxes

Pensioners are too quick to deny rumours they are responsible for the worlds economic woes.  However, the facts Dave the Lizard pointed out, in between geeing up the party faithful for an upcoming hunt on benefit scrounging hoodies, are hard to deny

the single biggest slice of the so-called "welfare" budget – some £110bn – is in fact consumed by pension benefits. Any serious fiscal conservative would have linked this observation back to their narrative about containing costs, but after volunteering it the prime minister blithely went on to defend every last winter fuel cheque and free bus pass as jolly good things.

This had my blood boiling. But it got worse

Dave's Benefits Shocker: Jobs for Cabbage Patch Dolls

The Tory Party Work Waggon came to take the local benefit scroungers home after their day in the fields.

With the economy in a slump, poor people never cease in their ability to entertain the privileged - as long as they are in cages, behind walls or being viewed from afar. My source Bob has exclusively revealed to me that Dave 'the Lizard' Cameron - who may or may not end up scrounging in bins for party funds if his cosy dinners are stopped - has decided to launch an offensive against anyone on disability benefit. This is part of his wider war on benefits which has Daily Mail readers ordering record quantities of tissues. With the War on France* still at the phoney stage it has been decided that we should at least be fighting something. Now whilst fighting poverty is seen in some nefarious quarters as a laudable leftie [translation: communist rat] thing to do when you are not chucking bombs at brown people, for those of a more right wing persuasion there is nothing better than smashing the poor in the face marching poor people to the Gulags where they can begin to earn their keep and eat cabbages. If it gets really cold then there's nothing wrong with burning poor people as a sustainable heating source.

Police Strike to Help Hard up Public

Hidden amongst all the panic over pasties and petrol is a very real threat of general strike infiltrating the police. As anyone who has ever seen Robocop, the thought of a strike by the rank and file police would introduce anarchy to every street across these Bastard Isles. Instead of shaking down this corrupt profession (as corrupt as any profession with power) to root out the bad seeds and making sure they are well paid, I decided to look at the view from the plod first

Recent events have shown that the thought of a police strike would not induce panic buying ahead of potential riots that may be brought on by the strike. *Why would the English public panic buy goods when they can wait for the start of the strike and help themselves to shop contents for free? townpoliceclauses

How the Sun Kicks Off a Party*

We are connected, because everything is connected even though we do not always remember. We entered a solar wind stream which is not good as the Sun has gut rot after gorging itself over the Christmas period. These are not loud earth shattering blasts but silent but deadly emissions that contain highly charged particles. We felt it in Europe where 2012 really did come in with a bang. Behold: 

Old Age Terrorists # Pensioner Crackdown

I believe he has a fetish for hoods too.
An artists impression of a twit.

Dave and his flunkies have been telling us this week that we need proper snooping, in the interests of security, as the last government - who are to blame for everything - made a mangle of the legislation. Therefore, in the interests of fairness and to help pay the bills when they are kicked out leave office, they reserve the right to mangle legislation in their own the countries interests. They wholeheartedly have issued statements saying it has nothing to do with the new show Cam Dine with Me. I agree whole heartedly to any measures that track  certain  people. Even more so I believe that human trials should be performed on them so as to verify the safety and usefulness of policy. This is a far more palatable technique than animal testing, which is apparently quite unpopular. This is in stark contrast to shooting animals and hunting hoodies which would be immensely popular (on Saturday Nights to replace the X-Factor) if this government had any balls. As these policies of mine have not proved popular with this regime, I therefore propose a slightly more radical policy to save the broken people of these Bastard isles. 

Dave's Dinner Shocker - Is No. 10 a Brothel?

Dave scrounging for some dinner.
Why we must allow Tory Party Escort Services  to continue their fundraising.

Prostitutes and politicians have a long history of accepting cash for access, so is it any wonder that one of the greatest old age terrorists of all time, Ronald Reagan said; 

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. 

Dave Rides Horse in Fake Prescription for Glue Scandal

Look into the horses eyes and tell me it's not bricking it.
It's even had its tail cut for ease of access.
No wonder they speak of posh people being 'horsey'

Is Dave the Lizard having possible relations with a horse and is this linked, in a statistically possible but highly improbable way with sex, drugs and animals? We know from previous cases this can never be a good combination and is most likely illegal in all known territories. 

Old Age Terrorists Choking the life out of NHS

The Usual Suspects at the New Coalition's Ill Gotten Feast
#FutureHistory

I can exclusively reveal there is a plot to murder death kill the NHS.

Earth Mother Porn #2 Got Wood

I have always been wary of tree huggers like Cosmetic Brain Surgery. 

They say if you adopt a tree it can reduce your carbon footprint, however this takes a lifetime. Whilst planting a tree and watching it grow is very Zen thing, it doesn't offer much in the way of instant gratitude and is unlikely to help the economy in the short term, even if it would help our lives in the long term. Therefore with this in mind I propose a new stimulus...

More disturbing pictures follow when you read the...

Hybrid Jumping Global Warning Sharks vs Kraken*

Advert from the Ginger Post (**)
(**) not owned funded or linked in any way to Antipodean Beast Corp.

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye [Ancient Source]

Being a parody journalist/blogger, I'm not a believer in holding things in, such as a principles or facts as avid readers will know. However, as the Worlds Greatest [Comedy] Conspiracy Theorist [self proclaimed] I know that everything is connected to the Sun[god] and emissions - even shark shit - so I can understand how systems are important. Yet when your creative belief juices suffer mental constipation because you have sold out your soul and harm others around you it's time to let go. Breathe in. Breathe out. Then laugh.

ADVERT BREAK: PETA Meat Slap Panda Controversy

Feminists at the New Statesman are again viciously attacking Panda's [the most Zen creature in the known universe]:

unlike say, the Ryanair advert banned this week for objectifying its staff, this PETA advert doesn't in the slightest make me want to go vegan. In fact, quite the opposite. So not only will I happily call them out, but I'm going to smother myself in foie gras and panda steaks.

I don't do typos. I do smut it's a populism and boobs thing.

City Under Siege: Cameron Calls for Mass Sacrifice

Is Profit George pinching our faces?
A spokesperson said Profit George is pinching himself,
demonstrating he shares our pain.
Some sources have claimed he was crushing our heads.

ADVERT BREAK: Tory vs. Salmon (ft Nazi Panda Bear)

Some have speculated this Panda is in a medically induced coma, some have even said they are performing a nuanced interpretation of the last days of our economy as it turns into a zombie leaving the viewer wondering how long the apocalypse can feature in sequels. Yet when viewed through the softened lens of the Theory of Bob, one can see the Panda exploring the light within and without. In a single gesture this Panda has conveyed all there is to be said for the economic and weather forecasts for 2012 yet leaves us with hope. In a powerhouse performance that must surely be entered for this year's Turner Prize, we are shown the solar kick, not once but twice 1-2 confirming it's mystic origins. 

Peanuts** or One Small* Problem with Dave's Big Society

Lorraine Kelly's Growler receives an award 

Pandamonium #2: Pandagate Vs Red Feminist Conspiracy

Panda's sit back and admire.
This gate is designed to achieve the highest states of consciousness
No keepers were harmed in the making of this gate
Image: Wikipedia

Nothing you may have read on the #PandaGate furore is anything other than hyperbole from the ill informed. No one on this earth is as knowledgeable as I am when it comes to understanding the true nature of the most Zen creature in the known universe - Panda's.

Giant Panda Wildebeest in Meat Photo Shoot

Panda eating Wildebeest
Did the Wildebeest jump or was it pushed? 

Sunshine and Sweetie appear to have settled down well, but the diet of bamboo, whilst great for roughage does not cure the itch from their ancestral bear blood. They want to fish, but just can't be bothered and supermarkets are totally not Zen (and the packets for bamboo shoots are far too small anyway). Chewing bamboo in such immense quantities is worth the effort only if Complete Zen is achieved.* That was until they landed in Scotland and the psychic ether awoke ancient memories and no bear is a bear without salmon. There is no other reason Sweetie and Sunshine would visit Scotland,which would stretch even the wildest realms of the ancient custom of Panda diplomacy.

Christmas Pandamonium

Copycat Bastards
I Blame Hislop for nicking my ideas
I mean he hasn't denied it!