Magic #3: Flatulent Earth Theory

He may be old but his understanding of theory is impeccable. 

I cannot discount his words just because of this or that he has a beard.

In the Innu mythology of Canada, Matshishkapeu (literally the "Fart Man") is the most powerful spirit, a legendary shaman capable of inflicting gastrointestinal pain or relief. [Wikipedia]

The Sun sent a reminder
to the fEDReC^
on behalf of the Kraken
^federal European Debt Recovery Centre

Just as you can never discount an old theory or a myth - extracted from truth - so you can never underestimate the power of the Sun[god]. In a loving manner he lets slip silent yet violent eruptions sent through the vacuum of space into our smiling faces. It's a dominance and love thing.

There is also no point saying 'whoever smelt it, dealt it' as by then it's too late and your nostrils hairs are singed. My source General Alert has highlighted Hekla volcano as one very deadly example of this principle. 

In Shakespeare time to break wind, was known as releasing the devil. The releasing of decaying gasses cannot help but make any human think that something has died. On a medieval diet this cannot have been pleasant. But there was a reason why humanity is consciously  programmed to laugh when someone breaks wind. Our intestines, closely resemble the internals of volcanoes and parts of the vast magmatic system that lies underneath our feet. We know the terrible afflictions that bad diet can plague us with and the importance of good roughage. A volcano is no different and nor is the Sun[god]. There is no point trying to stop it coming out, we just have to learn to laugh and deal with the consequences.

It is for this reason that we are right to continue the fight against the carbon myth as modern Canadians are showing. Most advocates are clear about the urgent need to pump carbon into the atmosphere to act as a protective carbon filter for the Sun[god]'s emissions. It has nothing to do with temperature, solar farts are more about the miasma and the methane. Whilst some may warn about the dangers of extra pollution from burning fossils as fuel, this dovetails beautifully with future government policy to burn old farts people. It can after all get cold in winter. We do not need more old people needlessly dying, when we can make them die on with purpose. This is our offering to the volcano gods. Their eruptions are fuelled by the Sun[god] telling them to turn up the smoke to increase the atmospheric filters because he's about to let one off. That is why the shockwave from any solar fart hits us long before the contents do.

As avid readers of his blog should know by now the Sun[god], although quiet, has been farting in our general direction as a cheeky way of welcoming us into the New Year and reminding us a dragon sometimes has flames. Such was the force of the Sun[god]'s recent release that it punched into the ionosphere.^ Not surprisingly it wasn't long afterwards that a

'crack formed in Earth's magnetosphere, allowing solar wind to flow in and fuel the auroras*.' [FIRST AURORAS* OF 2012, Space Weather] 

Proof of my latest Theory,* revealed by my direct communication with the Sun[god] comes from observable evidence. Today is the magic number 3 and the elements of this year equal 3. Behold:

We fart in your direction

It is no coincidence that on this date, which the Western Samoans were so keen to enact early, was a Double Monday. However, thanks to the power of shutting down the banks over much of the holiday season, it's evil power was halved. However, to reclaim this loss of work, the slave masters at the Confederation of the Bastard Islands, with global support from the Interplanetary Monetary Feckers have deemed this the Great Leap forward Year and added an extra day worldwide. That this happens immediately after a tuesday (Double Monday) is surely no coincidence. Nor is is a coincidence that tuesday is the 3rd day of the week. Nor is it a coincidence that the great 42 is divisible by 3. It was always a question not of being right, because I am always right such is the nature of prophesy, but that I didn't understand how I was right. Indeed when this extra day is forced upon the human race, it will be a tuesday, the most evil day in FutureHistory, somewhere still on the planet. This extra day means our Meteorological winter in the Northern Hemisphere is prolonged.

We had a solstice, our darkest time in the Northern Hemisphere. For three days after the sun stood still - scientific FACT! Since we have been rocked by earthquakes, wind and fires as volcanoes continue to erupt. Even Little Bob is showing signs that the reports of his death are exaggerated. We know this because he is still letting off gas.

We should never write off the power of the Sun[god] nor a volcano and nor the bit of gas we have been holding onto with clenched buttocks, because something inevitably will seep out. What we call time means nothing to the the Sun[god]. There are far bigger things to ponder when you are a gaseous giant, yet he has not forgotten us, highlighted by flat-lining just to show us who was boss after the lizard Dave and the Sarky One fired missiles at him. In numerology it is not the lizard's like Dave that will inherit the earth but the Sun[god] because all equations lead to him and he's having a bloody good laugh at our considerable expense. He has more numbers than us and he has more gas. We just need to ask the bankers for the bill when the meal is over and light one in their direction. Oh and in case you are wondering, the bill will involve 3= Magic Number by descendentsofturkeysmart

* Aurora's are the Sun[god]'s version of lighting his own farts and a Dutch oven, this is not to be confused with a Dutch treat which like a Cosmic Latte involves particles. 

** used by interpreting the Theory of Bob and using the magic principles of the number 42 (extrapolated using anti binary theory from 12:12).

*** Not to be confused with canine's or benafflictions


Links to be added to this piece as I reveal my sources. It is 2012 time is short, but there is still time.