Saturday, 10 May 2014

Annexing #Eurovision


The Sun[god] is sending us a foul wind that may contain some solids. There is quite possibly something rotten in the state of Denmark. We must act soon to reclaim the sacred lands of South South England before it is too late. Prospective vichy bar owners may wish to stock up now.

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Penguins to Communicate with Sun[god] During Solar Eclipse

These are indeed dark times, about to get even darker.
Penguin solar eclipse. With the new moon on Tuesday, double monday April 29, at exactly 2:14 a.m. EDT, the lunar disk will partially cover the sun over Australia, a partial solar eclipse. Farther south, a lopsided annular “Ring of Fire” eclipse will occur near the horizon for a tiny, uninhabited sliver of Antarctica. Only penguins will most likely enjoy front-row seats to the sky spectacle.

Now whilst such flights of fancy are reasonable, it must be noted that 21 is sacred as is 42. I am also highly suspicious of anything related to cats and the host makes no secret of his nefarious allegiances. GONADS the GingerZilla Organisation for Nurture and Development in Science, have assured me that the consensus of scientist's they asked is that cats are evil representing the greatest threat to mankind like ever! Cats could well be trying to take control of the vile vorticies.

Thursday, 24 April 2014

Profit George : Actions Speak Louder than Words Do

Journalists are an easily confused bunch. Their ability to see what is before them is so atrophied I won't be holding my breath anytime soon.*
"Apparently, the uplift [libraries] gives people is equivalent to a £1,359 pay rise. I know. It's fantastic. 
Faced with figures like that, especially from research it demanded and paid for its very own self, a ministerial department would have to be mad not to look again at any policy that had, since last year, resulted in an estimated 493 libraries around the country being closed, palmed off to volunteers or facing closure. It would have to be stuffed to the gills with fools, or people who are so unfeeling that they remain unmoved in the face of increasing, quantifiable human unhappiness.
Clearly neither of these things can be the case, and yet no U-turn on the municipal budget cuts that have prompted such closures has yet been forthcoming. Curious."

Avid readers of my proclamations will already know the answer.

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

The Honey Badger Trap

Sometimes we must admit defeat and accept what is inevitable. It is not so much a case of ticking one of the multiple choice questions and hoping for the best, but realising 'if you can't beat them, join them'*. However, such nuances are lost in the sway of politics[*] where the tanker has, at vast expense, to navigate half the planet ploughing through everything in its way before it can finally change course. The rest of us palm our foreheads wondering why the political classes cannot see, hear or speak the fucking obvious!^ As I revealed in Badger Caught in Honey Trap. Behold;  
If ClarkSun respects the Honey Badger, so must we respect all badger...There will be no Badger cull. I am not negotiating on this one. Even a squadron of B52s cannot take them down. I have [new] video evidence:

Thursday, 17 April 2014

#InformationWars : The Fightback Against Evil Fokkers


"I don't even like ice cream, I just enjoy the sound of a child's screams."

With those words, finally the truth has crossed the threshold into electronic print at the notorious hotbed of communist rat propaganda that is the Guardian. These words, from an unnamed but obviously meticulously reliable source, finally speaks truth to power and challenges the long held falsehoods of apologists against action. Behold!
It is often said that in the event of a nuclear war, the only thing left will be cockroaches. But that’s sadly not true; cockroaches aren’t that much more resistant to radiation than we are. You know what creature is incredibly resistant to radiation, though? A type of wasp! 

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Asia Swarming With Communist VVasps


Daily Mail readers find this more scary than a Labour government.
In light of the alarming news that broke today of a pending invasion, I release immediately the following report based upon a story from late last year that may have been subject to a D for Denier Notice, but was more likely I couldn't be bothered. It's worse than we thought folks!

------

Baron von Sschting, the great leader of the insect insurgency, has a distant communist cousin [Bob is working furiously to translate his name as I write this]. He hates Britain, or rather she, hates everyone equally...with venom*. Unlike gardeners, children and even pharmaceutical companies who see Bees as welcome prosperous friends, a big Communist Chinese^ VVasp sees lunch Behold:


BEE PREPARED

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Blackhole? Bermuda Triangle? Has Porn Solved the Missing Airline Mystery?

This has come in over the wire
The Twitter account of US Airways crashed into a black hole of unknown origin, possibly due to a lack of a landing strip
Bermuda Triangle?
The full unadulterated image 
cc_rider: Damn... I think they just figured out what happened to that missing 777.
Whatthefark: This raises the question, has Malaysia Airlines checked all vaginas for the missing plane? If they have, what were the results? If they haven't, then why not. Cover up? Was it found in the vagina of Malaysia Airlines owner's wife? Were multiple pieces found in multiple vaginas? Farking source
This is an interesting proposition and not without merit, however to accommodate a fully grown aeroplane we need a bigger pussy. 

Sunday, 13 April 2014

#Intermission Rebirth

These are dark.* 
We must question the very assumptions upon which our fragile world is based upon on the day the scales fall from our eyes and we see the illusions for what they are we shall know DOOM is impending. It was always thus.

GingerZilla has spent these past months in deep contemplation and has been issuing forth his draft missives. Unfortunately due to being inside a beer can for six months much is blurry and must be 'adjusted' for human consumption. During this time the Sun[god] briefly awoke and then went 'Meh'. All the GingerZilla can say is 'it's worse than we thought' but difficult times bring opportunity, as the Marabou Storks know well.

Now listen to the music whilst he gets his shit together. A bloody moon double monday approaches and he grows weary (or he may just faint in a passion).



* I cannot oppose such viewing crimes as how else am I going to make one direction a crime punishable by chopping off the hands responsible and flushing them away to feed the fishies

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Monitoring the Minataurs

Victorian era porn.
There are those who aspire to live amongst the gods in the clouds. There are those whose aspirations are more grounded. Then there are those who dig a great big hole so we can join them.=
The third ring--inside the first two--is a barren plain of sand ignited by flakes of fire that torment three separate groups of violent offenders against God: those who offend God directly (blasphemers: Inferno 14); those who violate nature, God's offspring (sodomites: Inferno 15-16); and those who harm industry and the economy, offspring of nature and therefore grandchild of God (usurers: Inferno 17).

Usury was similarly condemned, particularly after it was equated with heresy (and therefore punishable by the Inquisition) at the Council of Vienne in 1311. Based on biblical passages--fallen man must live "by the sweat of his brow" (Genesis 3:19), Jesus' appeal to his followers to "lend, expecting nothing in return" (Luke 6:35)--medieval theologians considered the lending of money at interest to be sinful. Thomas Aquinas, based on Aristotle, considered usury--like sodomy--to be contrary to nature because "it is in accordance with nature that money should increase from natural goods and not from money itself." Forese Donati, a Florentine friend of Dante who appears in Purgatory 23-4, insinuated--in an exchange of insulting sonnets with the poet--that Dante's father was himself a usurer or moneychanger.

The Seventh circle of Hell, Dante's Inferno
Image Wiklicommons user: Fae

Friday, 6 December 2013

#SPACEPORN EXCLUSIVE: Lovejoy's Back - Wanted for Questioning by Operation YouTree* ...and Scotland

Villagers preparing to defend themselves.
Cinderella is once fabled to have said "the more things change the more they stay the same". I have often said myself same shit, different day although it is quite possible if I had the winter vomiting bug, known as the Bloody Nora Virus, I may have said different shit, same day