Blair on his Knees for Murdoch

An artists portrait of Rupert Murdoch

Many people have either lost interest or have no idea what the Leveson Inquiry is.  The only thing that is certain is that it has something to do with the evil miasma from the lizard turd that the Antipodean Beast Rupert Murdoch has covered the UK press in, which has included lots of hacking (I believe this may be from the smell). Like most flies wallowing in shit, some Conservatives are are trying to flee as the spotlight shines on them, other unmenschionables are crying 'foul' and saying the whole process is partisan whilst trying to blame the old labour government who are entirely to blame for the global recession, the extinction of the dinosaurs and killing Jesus*.

Meanwhile Labour are counting the thank you gift of gold for spending so long covered in shit, or being in government as it is also known. With such divergent opinion confusing the public, I thought I would create a helpful summary;

Brainbugs the Beiber Connection

Dizzy: My mother always told me that violence doesn't solve anything. 

Jean Rasczak: Really? I wonder what the city founders of Hiroshima would have to say about that. [to Carmen] You. 

Carmen: They wouldn't say anything. Hiroshima was destroyed. 

Jean Rasczak: Correct. Violence, naked force, has resolved more issues in history than has any other factor. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst.

No Gold Shocker for Kraken

In this very building, deep in the underground vaults, sits billions of dollars of gold**, held by the Federal Reserve for foreign governments. The Federal Reserve gives regular tours of these vaults, even to school children. Yet, America’s gold is off limits to seemingly everyone and has never been properly audited. Doesn’t that seem odd to you? If nothing else, does anyone at the Fed know the quality and fineness of the gold at Fort Knox? Bob to the Feds: "Leave the Building to the Four-Legged Rats" 

I ask if this is a tacit admission that the federal reserve should be given over to communists rats? We all know the Kraken has been promised this long overdue offering of gold,* If all contracts are to be off then this could get very, very ugly.

* less a six per cent administrative fee for all Kraken based consultations.

#ClassicsPorn: Useless Father Odysseus on Run from Jeremy Kyle

Odysseus later told the wife he was thinking of her
Will Jeremy Kyle make Odysseus take a lie detector test?
Well, well, well.

Through the howling wind and rain that whipped the sea in to light salty meringue they sailed; on between the scylla and charibdis to meet with the Kraken. The local economy has nosedived and the signs in the heavens are ominous...

Follow Through

Have some.

Well it did a get a moon in the face again.

Space Porn #2 Pubic Lice from Thatcher Make Soundwave Splash

Two spins before the 17th Double Monday of the Mighty 12

A Mighty boom was heard across the land, as the stars fell from the sky. This has been linked to a mythical Golden Country** which exists on an old pirates map. It was speculated the boom could have been an intergalactic mini van hurtled towards Mother Earth from the far reaches of space. So imagine my surprise when I discovered it was part of Thatcher's yearly attack on Earth!

Kraken Threatens to Eat Polar Bears if Demands not Met

Activists try and avoid being eaten whilst looking for bears that Mann hasn't eaten

BREAKING: The Kraken has threatened to eat all the Polar Bears unless his demands for Gold* are met. A crack squad of Global Warning Sharks has been sent on a mission to the North Pole in the hope of fending him off by bashing him on the nose a few times in the hope he heads back to Greece. Whilst many had hoped to encounter open waters, the Arctic is not as ice free as hoped

Can Carbon Taxes Stop it Raining Polar Bears

Any library could tell you it's fucking wet, but not the Met Office.

Every time the Met Office or Environment Agency declare a drought it ends. Even a witch doctor would be proud of their success rate, however they would be lynched for talking so much bullshit. What has become clear is that not only do they not have the predictive power that I do, they have an unerring ability to fuck up the most basic forecasts and still claim they need more money. There is a simple equation to their computer models which can best be summed up by this phrase

Police Strike to Help Hard up Public

Hidden amongst all the panic over pasties and petrol is a very real threat of general strike infiltrating the police. As anyone who has ever seen Robocop, the thought of a strike by the rank and file police would introduce anarchy to every street across these Bastard Isles. Instead of shaking down this corrupt profession (as corrupt as any profession with power) to root out the bad seeds and making sure they are well paid, I decided to look at the view from the plod first

Recent events have shown that the thought of a police strike would not induce panic buying ahead of potential riots that may be brought on by the strike. *Why would the English public panic buy goods when they can wait for the start of the strike and help themselves to shop contents for free? townpoliceclauses

Launch Madness on the Kraken

Launch madness will hit the east coast...as NASA launches five rockets in approximately five minutes to study the high-altitude jet stream from its Wallops Flight Facility in Virginia...This jet stream is located in the same region where strong electrical currents occur in the ionosphere. It is therefore a region with a lot of electrical turbulence, of the type that can adversely affect satellite and radio communications.

These warning shots were quite potent

Total Hardcore #SolarPorn

Massive Coronal hole* aimed in the Earth Mother's face.

This is just disgusting. NOAA should be ashamed of themselves.