Sunday, 18 December 2011

Dave the Lizard Defending the Tithe

Panda shows reaction to latest economic news
'Cameron is not defending Britain. He is defending his banking paymasters' Craig Murray
Whilst the media have been portraying the recent war with Europe as a staunch defence of Bastardness, it is no surprise that this was stretching the truth where no truth existed. Lizard Dave did this trip knowing his absence from the Bastard Isles would bring down God's wrath upon Scotland as evidenced by the Almighty storm that hit 165mph up a mountain somewhere in the far inhospitable North. There is a reason the Roman's built a friggin' wall - do we never learn the lessons from our past? The lax policies of invading liberal 'larger drinking' southerner Gauls through the years sadly failed to build upon this foundation and keep on building to protect us from the olde Northern Threat.
One liberal bastard from this area is Craig Murray. Murray is former Ambassador to Uzbekistan a country ruled by dictator Islam Karimov who likes is dissidents boiled not fried. Boiling and torture are not what has led to his bad publicity, it's all about having the right PR. This renegade from North of the Border said:
The xenophobic yaah-booing of the Tories over the demand for Cameron to show the “Bulldog spirit” is Europe is quite sickening. It is astonishing that the broadcast media have universally bought in to the spin that Cameron is “Defending Britain” by opposing the banking transaction tax, that all other major European powers want.
Is Mr. Murray sane? They want to cut off the Tithe to the fabled City!* Are they mad? Don't they know what the Kraken might do? How can they, no one knows except that it something to fear. That's why we must pay the Tithe and keep pressing the button at 12:12. We cannot demand the Kraken change his bladder movements, it will come naturally if we keep letting him sate his thirst on impoverished economies with poor credit ratings. There is always hope and according to some sources the Kraken has a full and aching bladder. If we stop the Tithe he might just cross his legs.

The GingerZilla has found that there is no truth that such a tax blasphemy as a banker tax will not lead to a mass exodus to Singapore or Hong Kong, although some have argued this is a bit like shooing a plague of rats into the next village. We expect fat cats to deal with rats, but cats are known to be evil, as confirmed by the canine sources I have helped remember previous lives. But this is not about cats**. Whilst many are unaware how the Kraken is linked to our economic woes a quick future history lesson: 
The Great Kraken roamed the high seas, preferring the North around Norway and Iceland. However, he got a bit bored of the cold ashy waters and decided to swim somewhere warm for a change, this being the precursor to the holiday get away. After marauding for several years and terrorising the Greeks, he decided he was bored of the weather and fancied some cold again. However in this time his ass had grown to big and he could not squeeze through the Straights of  Gibraltar any more. Behold:
An Artists [very bad] Impression
The Kraken growth was based  on the fabled Mediterranean diet
He said it's overrated
Being stuck in the Med for that long would annoy most people, but for a mythical creature it has brought only confusion and disorientation. It is this confusion that has allowed the money lenders through time to keep feeding him so he remains trapped. Whereas once he could swim free, the Straights of Gibraltar now hold him. For how many centuries has the Kraken had to swim through his own shit?
Now that you know the history you will understand the pernicious threat. We cannot allow bankers to pay their fair share like everyone else, it is plainly not fair on bankers. We cannot risk releasing the Kraken on the world. The Swedes for a start would never forgive us and I know from several Swedish sauces that they are indeed trying to take over the world. Norway are right to not trust them and not just for their hair colour.  They even famously taunted the old Iron Lady and her axis of elderly evil.
the Kraken's Mediterranean Feast:
I am looking for Virtual Chefs
Anyone expecting rates need not apply

With the increasingly grim pickings from the European Tithe Rate putting the Great Kraken on starvation diet, we don't know what he will do should he be released. But we know it won't be good. I don't know how many times I have to keep saying this but I will anyway. It's how news becomes news you just repeat a lie until it becomes accepted truth,  and we all know it's not news unless you are shitting yourself on an hourly basis.

The Kraken has heard Revolutionary French Cuisine is falling out of favour. His sauces have told him London has better access and restaurants. I don't think anyone can fathom how serious it will be then, but it will make Greece look like Hors d'oeuvres stuffed in vine leaves. 

* the CityTM are the chosen who, for a small handling fee, use the Tithe to predigest economies so they are easier to digest. The prey is chosen on an intricate economic formula that no one understands since it doesn't exist. It is rumoured to be based on a coin toss. Derren Brown may very well be at the helm of this organisation. If he is scared of the Kraken, it would be wise to heed his example. 

** just remember they are not cute. They are vermin. The only reason we have cat is because we THINK they catch rats and mice. They don't. It's a well known psychological protection racket as my canine sources will exclusively reveal. I have learnt to speak dog***. 

*** if Scarface Potter can talk to snakes, I can talk to dogs. 

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