I am working exclusively today on a new TV program**. The stars are real cops that play cops and robbers with toy weapons, bringing the gritty realism of the streets of Belfast (c. 70's-80's) and Belgrade (c. 1962) bang up to date on the streets of England and Wales. It will be a good old dirty youth fight, with plastic bullets and water cannons daily on prime time Daily Express TV (Channel 5). If this happens during a cold spell this could be excellent as we watch protesters freeze to the spot, making beautiful living (for a short time) ice sculptures.
The source of this story, a Police Morgrel [not pictured], agreed with me that 'Hunting Hoodies' is a policy demand by the all powerful canine division. Tinned food, as any soldier knows, is never as good as live prey. Ancient wolf memories demand a blood sacrifice every now and then and protesters although harder to digest than babies, are more media friendly.
GONADS are demanding these poor dogs are revealed from duty.
They need professional help due to their bi-polar nationalities:
'Swedish German Shepherds in action during demonstrations' [Wiki]
I also have a new program aimed at the hoodie market. Why shop when you can rob? We must stop the alienation of our youth by tackling Haribo addiction, but we must also understand that our youth feel betrayed after the broken promises of Dave the Lizard. They still, each and everyone of them, just want a hug. Dave has not delivered.
However, the show I have most hopes of being massively popular is 'Shoot the Bankers not the Rioters.' I think this will get real traction in 2012. It will be far more fun than Celebrity Big Brother. Although shooting the bankers may seem extreme, especially when I have been so vigorously defending them, it is I feel justified unless they release their stockpile of gold and feed this to the Kraken. The Kraken's threatens the City. We must act or it will be a fate worse than death, which is 24 hour reality television where the adverts and reality blur to such an extent there is no escape even on the news channels.
As the Prophet Bill once proclaimed:
'Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye."
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL AND SUNDRY
** deliberate spelling mistake