Pandamonium #2: Pandagate Vs Red Feminist Conspiracy

Panda's sit back and admire.
This gate is designed to achieve the highest states of consciousness
No keepers were harmed in the making of this gate
Image: Wikipedia

Nothing you may have read on the #PandaGate furore is anything other than hyperbole from the ill informed. No one on this earth is as knowledgeable as I am when it comes to understanding the true nature of the most Zen creature in the known universe - Panda's.

Tai Shan's keepers were South American Drug Lords*
Either that or I'm feeling snow deprived and festive

Instead of any remote truth in the mainstream media we were presented with this misinformation about a BBC Panda story: 

• Pandagate: anger as BBC chooses Tian Tian as December woman 2011 [Guardian]
• BBC in hot water over 'pandagate' sexism row [AFP]
• BBC 'pandagate' sets Twitter on fire after bear makes female faces of 2011 list [Daily Mirror]
• Meet one of the BBC's women of 2011: Row as Auntie names Sweetie the panda as one of its female 'Faces of the Year' [Daily Mail]

Despite the nature of the headlines, the BBC article was about the FACES of 2011 concentrating on those that made the media headlines for one reason or another, rather than on the merit of actually doing something useful for society or humanity, even in passing. Instead of reasoned debate we were presented with hate crimes against Panda's, mostly from a red idiot feminist who cannot tell that the shit she sees everywhere is her own as she is stuck inside her own rectum. She is guilty of Panda Hate Crime, which I base solely upon the vile, hate filled rant which I reproduce in part:

The thing about pandas is that they're the most useless evolutionary dead end ever to be preserved, at great expense, in the name of sentiment and nationalist flim-flammery. They're cowardly. They hate sex. They have to be encouraged to breed using artful tricks and deceptions, which is just embarrassing for everyone, including the panda. They have one of the most impractical, least nourishing diets on earth. They have about the worst camouflage of any animal, and they spend most of their time sleeping, on the ground, in the open. Sometimes, it's just best to let nature take its course. Particularly when there are at least seven billion humans on the planet, many of whom could do with a bit more concern for their future well-being, and at least half of whom have more qualifications to be a "woman" face of the year than Sweetie the panda, delightfully fluffy as she no doubt is.

Astral planing Tai Shan awaits chance to enter stargate [background]
Image: Wiki

A Panda is far better than anyone on either the BBC male or female list, who were mostly cretins and morons who did nothing to further my goals. I feel most sorry for Yang Guang who was left out of the male list on the sole basis that he had no womb and had a tiny penis which can easily be mistaken for a clitoris (if I read the BBC piece right). 

If in 2009 they could feature a fish, then a Panda has just as much right, if not more, to feature in any story.  How about this for a novel idea to remove the controversy and take away a prime source of shite from the media - faces of the year based neither on gender or species? I vote Panda's in all 10 positions, not only are they more interesting but they are full of far more shit (it's a bamboo diet thing) than any journalist. This would work in many fields even economic news, where Panda's reactions tell you everything you need to know about the state of the economy:

Mei Sheng when asked for her opinion on the economic outlook for 2012

After the insights I gave into what really happened in 2011, I am stunned at the level of collective dumbing down and the pathetic infighting in society. There is no mention of the Kraken or his tithe payments, no mention of the threat from Old Age Terrorists, no mention of the plight of our Haribo addicted youth (cause of #londonriots), no mention of vicious book burners, no mention of the Sungod chucking mudbricks at Lizard Dave, no Zombies, no Northern threat, the even greater threat from beliebers (who want to take over Twitter) or even that Jeremy Clarkson did not feature once in either list! You will only find such great stories and investigative journalism here**.

I really do despair for humanity - hence why Panda's deserve our respect!

This video is not finished yet but it has lots of Panda's so deserves your love:

* Panda's do not need drugs to achieve Zen. This may change as Sweetie and Sunshine acclimatise to Edinburgh, home of Leith and Trainspotting. 

**The mainstream media can only be read by people like me who have inbuilt bullshit detectors who can wade through all the manure and make something wholesome and worthwhile grow from it.