Tony Blair in Hacking Scandal*

Not the kind of offensive word you expect from a predictive text function. Imagine the outrage if a child had typed such an innocent phrase into their Guide to the [Social] Galaxy? 

Say hello to my little friend

It is entirely possible my Guide was been hacked by dark forces - darker even than the dark forces amassing against the repressed natives of Bongo Bongo land, who it just so happens have been linked to Diamonds, Guns and Transplants. There is no other logical reason for this effrontery.

* technically this is correct, however for the purposes of avoiding hefty legal fees for the temerity of breathing "to my knowledge the grinning side kick of the 5th Horseman apocalypse has already been linked to the hacking scandal and crime. As a result of this offensive communication I have been caused considerable distress including instant defecation whenever someone mentions his name. He has ruined my life and has not denied eating my hamster."

Blair on his Knees for Murdoch

An artists portrait of Rupert Murdoch

Many people have either lost interest or have no idea what the Leveson Inquiry is.  The only thing that is certain is that it has something to do with the evil miasma from the lizard turd that the Antipodean Beast Rupert Murdoch has covered the UK press in, which has included lots of hacking (I believe this may be from the smell). Like most flies wallowing in shit, some Conservatives are are trying to flee as the spotlight shines on them, other unmenschionables are crying 'foul' and saying the whole process is partisan whilst trying to blame the old labour government who are entirely to blame for the global recession, the extinction of the dinosaurs and killing Jesus*.

Meanwhile Labour are counting the thank you gift of gold for spending so long covered in shit, or being in government as it is also known. With such divergent opinion confusing the public, I thought I would create a helpful summary;

Aggravated Government Warming

Oldies get the right-wing feedback loop going*

I have found a link between an increase in global warning and conservatism. As my graph, using data supplied by NASA, shows right wing politics is behind the 'unprecedented' warming we have seen since the Twentieth Century. So if we need to save our Mother Earth, maybe the best thing we can do is get rid of conservatives?

A sign that things are not as they should be.
Now Panic!

Dave's Dinner Shocker - Is No. 10 a Brothel?

Dave scrounging for some dinner.
Why we must allow Tory Party Escort Services  to continue their fundraising.

Prostitutes and politicians have a long history of accepting cash for access, so is it any wonder that one of the greatest old age terrorists of all time, Ronald Reagan said; 

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. 

Western Democracy - A Study in Tyranny & Euro Pop

Apologists for the war in Iraq are inclined to say things which equate to 'what a damn noble thing, well teach those bloody savages about democracy and freedom' - this is the ones who have given up their futile WMD/Al-falafel fantasies and now harp on about how brutal Mad Sad really was (he was a ‘Hitler‘ who ate dogs and boiled up bunnies - rather than dropping depleted uranium on their heads, which is a good thing!). So in line with their ability to stretch the realms of truth I wonder if these words were uttered by Dubbya and Tony Bliar circa. solar cycle 23

GB: "I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterward whether he told the truth or not. In starting and waging a war it is not right that matters but victory." (1)

TB looks up as he zips up GB's trousers and dabs his lips with a hankie "but millions could die your liege. The sheeple may get a bit miffed and your Bin Laden friends may join in the resulting melee. Iraq will even more devastated than we've made it in the last decade."

GB "Perhaps it is well that it should be so, for certain nations must be decimated. But even if it were not, nothing can be done about it. It is obvious that if humanity is condemned to die of hunger, the last to die will be our two peoples." (2)

In case you hadn't guessed, these two particular statements were in fact by Hitler, Goebels and Goring respectively. Whilst Dubbya and his grinning sidekick are not quite in their league, I was surprised by how many parallels I drew whilst reading the rather enlightening Hitler - A Study in Tyranny (having sat on my shelf for the past two solar cycles).

It just begs the question what the fuck is wrong with their souls? Is this what power and the quest for power do to the human soul? I don't have an answer, however I have been thinking of a solution to this and I believe I have found a way to kill two birds with a one stone:

When on the Tuesday Double Monday that I finally seize power - I am rounding up all these genocidal freaks and the mewling cabbages that pass themselves off as their supporters/sympathisers. Then I am packing them off with the purveyors and producers of Euro Pop to the Isle of Wight (this is my stone by the way) who will provide the entertainment. The camp will be run by Butlins whilst they all await trial for their crimes.

The Vengaboys may yet save humanity!

(1) Allan Bullock 'Hitler - A Study in Tyranny' pp527

(2) ibid. pp660