X-Factor News: War Declared on Santa - Kitten Put Down

ITV received several complaints after Saturday's programme of adverts was interrupted by the X-Factor. A technical failure was blamed on BT. This is not a coincidence. Nothing is statistically speaking. But several users of BT should take this opportunity to complain through BBC Watchdog. On second thoughts scrap that Anne Robinson may be ginger but she was born on a Tuesday and there is a red conspiracy that lies at the heart of BBC programming.

Western Democracy - A Study in Tyranny & Euro Pop

Apologists for the war in Iraq are inclined to say things which equate to 'what a damn noble thing, well teach those bloody savages about democracy and freedom' - this is the ones who have given up their futile WMD/Al-falafel fantasies and now harp on about how brutal Mad Sad really was (he was a ‘Hitler‘ who ate dogs and boiled up bunnies - rather than dropping depleted uranium on their heads, which is a good thing!). So in line with their ability to stretch the realms of truth I wonder if these words were uttered by Dubbya and Tony Bliar circa. solar cycle 23

GB: "I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterward whether he told the truth or not. In starting and waging a war it is not right that matters but victory." (1)

TB looks up as he zips up GB's trousers and dabs his lips with a hankie "but millions could die your liege. The sheeple may get a bit miffed and your Bin Laden friends may join in the resulting melee. Iraq will even more devastated than we've made it in the last decade."

GB "Perhaps it is well that it should be so, for certain nations must be decimated. But even if it were not, nothing can be done about it. It is obvious that if humanity is condemned to die of hunger, the last to die will be our two peoples." (2)

In case you hadn't guessed, these two particular statements were in fact by Hitler, Goebels and Goring respectively. Whilst Dubbya and his grinning sidekick are not quite in their league, I was surprised by how many parallels I drew whilst reading the rather enlightening Hitler - A Study in Tyranny (having sat on my shelf for the past two solar cycles).

It just begs the question what the fuck is wrong with their souls? Is this what power and the quest for power do to the human soul? I don't have an answer, however I have been thinking of a solution to this and I believe I have found a way to kill two birds with a one stone:

When on the Tuesday Double Monday that I finally seize power - I am rounding up all these genocidal freaks and the mewling cabbages that pass themselves off as their supporters/sympathisers. Then I am packing them off with the purveyors and producers of Euro Pop to the Isle of Wight (this is my stone by the way) who will provide the entertainment. The camp will be run by Butlins whilst they all await trial for their crimes.

The Vengaboys may yet save humanity!

(1) Allan Bullock 'Hitler - A Study in Tyranny' pp527

(2) ibid. pp660

Euro-Pop - A Plague on Humanity

Like the flu virus, every time an antidote to puerile pop “music” is found and we breathe a collective sigh of relief, it mutates and strikes again. The Vengaboys, Cascada, Bass Hunter etc.. all are Euro 'suckers of satans scaly black pecker' (to quote the late, great Bill Hicks) and nothing seems to stop the armies of darkness marching.

Euro pop is a plague on humanity that has spread across Europe causing aural devastation since the latter part of the twentieth century. The disease is highly infectious on human sheep (sheeple), since their brains are small and infantile, with little or no natural resistance to fight off the auditory equivalent of eating faeces. There are those with natural immunity to the more devestating effects, however those unfortunate enough to come into contact with Europop, it is like being shat upon by a very large bird from a very great height, only there is no way it can be considered a sign of good omen. It is hoped that one day, like smallpox, Euro pop will be eradicated.