Annexing #Eurovision

• The Sun[god] is sending us a foul wind that may contain some solids. 
• There is quite possibly something rotten in the state of Denmark. 
• We must act soon to reclaim the sacred lands of South South England before it is too late. 
• Prospective vichy bar owners may wish to stock up now.

WAR on France: France Farts in our General Direction

Socialist france - a bastion of freedom hating communist rats - have launched a chemical attack on Britain fulfilling a prophesy linked to the Holy Grail. Behold; 

Thousands of people, from as far away as Paris and London, have complained of nausea and headaches.The gas is mercaptan, an additive to natural gas said to be harmless. il the evening.In Britain, the Health Protection Agency said: "The smell drifting over Southern England today poses no risk to public health." The odour, which is similar to rotten eggs, has been noticed by people mainly in Kent, East and West Sussex and some parts of Surrey." Emergency officials in southern Kent advised French Lubrizol factory struggles to stop foul gas leak

War is Kind

Wars are fought for many reasons.

Do not weep, maiden, for war is kind,

Because your lover threw wild hands toward the sky

And the affrighted steed ran on alone,

Do not weep.

War is kind 

#RoyalPorn Get the Tits Out

Sick French Puppies.
This is the best Franco tits the freeweb has to offer*. 

In normal times I would find myself defending press freedom as the fourth estate is such a fine and noble profession. In normal times I would point out the gross sexual discrimination in having a prince's pecker thrusting at the public from the news stands but being denied the chance to ogle a pap shot of the princesses puppies. In normal times I would be outraged and highly offended that tax payers fund the debauchery at a rate ten times that of Norway. In normal times I would have already started a campaign for recompense by demanding a royal variety performance of the rear admiral which would be on freeview with extra camera angles if you press the red button.

If it wasn't for quotas we wouldn't have so many upper class twits running the country
— theGingerZilla (@thegingerzilla) September 13, 2012

But these are not normal times...

#ReclaimFriday: For the War but Against the Troops Redux

Hearts Broken

Over five years have passed since the original post. It was always due a revisit. The original was inspired by Bill Hicks and was part of a 'what if' series. This time I hand the reigns over to the peacekeeping hippy Cosmetic Brain Surgery for his take.

Guest Sermon by Cosmetic Brains Surgery

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners. Albert Camus

From a facebook status doing the rounds in the US in July 2010

Lindsay Lohan, 24, is all over the news AGAIN because she's a celebrity drug addict. While Justin Allen 23, Brett Linley 29, Matthew Weikert 29, Justus Bartett 27, Dave Santos 21, Chase Stanley 21, Jesse Reed 26, Matthew Johnson 21, Zachary Fisher 24, Brandon King 23, Christopher Goeke 23, and Sheldon Tate 27 are all Marines that gave their lives this week, no media mention. Honor THEM by reposting!

Sunday Exclusive: French Stick in Britannia

The French trying it on with our Fat Slags

My highly trained but spiritually unmotivated monkeys have found this shocking story which is completely true, however I have redacted names to protect the fallen. However some of it remains graphic in nature and tissues should be kept handy for readers of a Daily Mail persuasion:

All I Want for Christmas is War

It appears Mexico has backed down in their ongoing war with the United States and refused to take political prisoner Saadi Gaddafi. This could be a breach of international obligations but since no one cares about them any more we will move on. 

The liberal idiot Jon Stewart has declared war on Christmas (see video below if it works why not try giggle). This is typical of liberal idiots always getting it wrong. It's Santa that needs to be taken out so we can free the Panda inside him. Reclaim the Festive season and get back to worshipping the Sungod and his Panda. As Hannibal said in antiquity, 'Of course I have a plan. But it's a secret.'

The Panda Inside Santa Must be Freed!
Is this picture from Wikipedia Panda Porn?

War on Mexico: America sends in the Grunts

BREAKING: "Mexico fights invasion...Animals crossing into country from Texas"

I warned that GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry was planning a war on Mexico. Now I have found that the Republican stronghold of Texas is regularly sending 50,000 grunts onto Mexican soil in a massive escalation of hostilities although as no one has actually declared war, it's still not a war like the Vietnam Conflict. 

The Grunts, descended from a race of Europeans, are according to my sources "ferocious, destroy crops and attack humans...weigh an average of 220 pounds [100 kilos or 15st 10.5lb], with some weighing up to 330 pounds [a whopping 150 kg or 23st 8.7lb]." 

A Message from the Sun God: Tea Bagging* +the Great Filament

Planting a Muffler* on the Surface of the Sun[god]

"It's one of the biggest things in the entire solar system. A dark filament of magnetism measuring more than 800,000 km from end to end is sprawled diagonally across the face of the Sun[god]. NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory took an ultraviolet picture of the structure during the late hours of Nov. 17th

Alternate Realities on Rapture Day the power of 42*

"Half Naked Fakir." 
Winston Churchill on the
 'evil preacher' accused of converting 
another late 'terrorist' Martin Luther King. 
He looks old and brown so I'm not sure I can trust him. 

I have been been influenced by my latest voice, Cosmetic Brain Surgery, who has been teaching me the words of the Prophet Mo:

"Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind.  It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.

The Real King is Dead - Long Live the King

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defence than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death

Martin Luther King had a dream that went beyond the "romanticized and whitewashed...in order to fit the man and his struggle neatly within the prevailing political and economic power structures in a largely uncritical and non-threatening manner. This portrayal of Dr. King has been mass marketed as an accommodationist figure and is now so pervasive in our schools, media, etc. that it threatens to neutralize and placate the most ambitious, daring and challenging of King's critique along with his struggle to confront and organize against not only racism, but economic exploitation and militarism-imperialism as well."

Capitalism - A Marabou Stork Nightmare

It's only Monday and the markets are taking a hammering and the dollar is crashing again. As usual the BBC's Robert Peston offered some analysis on Meltdown Monday but unsurprisingly its the comments from the public that are more insightful than the BBC's own(although I do concede that there is another bovine element that post on message boards). Take for example this gem from sizzlestick:

"In 1997, we dumb Asians listened in abject humility as the "wise" men of both IMF and the World Bank lectured us what a sound financial system should be like. These guys went so far as to brand Malaysian PM Dr. Mahathir an incompetent Finance Minister who practised [sic] voodoo economics. 

So how now? Any wise advices [sic] for the incompetent US Fed Governor and Secretary of the Treasury."

The Gervaise family are known for their long beaks and links to General Depravity.
GONADS have theorised these features evolved for digging in corpses and snorting Columbia's finest.

Well, for what it's worth, I have some advice.

Western Democracy - A Study in Tyranny & Euro Pop

Apologists for the war in Iraq are inclined to say things which equate to 'what a damn noble thing, well teach those bloody savages about democracy and freedom' - this is the ones who have given up their futile WMD/Al-falafel fantasies and now harp on about how brutal Mad Sad really was (he was a ‘Hitler‘ who ate dogs and boiled up bunnies - rather than dropping depleted uranium on their heads, which is a good thing!). So in line with their ability to stretch the realms of truth I wonder if these words were uttered by Dubbya and Tony Bliar circa. solar cycle 23

GB: "I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterward whether he told the truth or not. In starting and waging a war it is not right that matters but victory." (1)

TB looks up as he zips up GB's trousers and dabs his lips with a hankie "but millions could die your liege. The sheeple may get a bit miffed and your Bin Laden friends may join in the resulting melee. Iraq will even more devastated than we've made it in the last decade."

GB "Perhaps it is well that it should be so, for certain nations must be decimated. But even if it were not, nothing can be done about it. It is obvious that if humanity is condemned to die of hunger, the last to die will be our two peoples." (2)

In case you hadn't guessed, these two particular statements were in fact by Hitler, Goebels and Goring respectively. Whilst Dubbya and his grinning sidekick are not quite in their league, I was surprised by how many parallels I drew whilst reading the rather enlightening Hitler - A Study in Tyranny (having sat on my shelf for the past two solar cycles).

It just begs the question what the fuck is wrong with their souls? Is this what power and the quest for power do to the human soul? I don't have an answer, however I have been thinking of a solution to this and I believe I have found a way to kill two birds with a one stone:

When on the Tuesday Double Monday that I finally seize power - I am rounding up all these genocidal freaks and the mewling cabbages that pass themselves off as their supporters/sympathisers. Then I am packing them off with the purveyors and producers of Euro Pop to the Isle of Wight (this is my stone by the way) who will provide the entertainment. The camp will be run by Butlins whilst they all await trial for their crimes.

The Vengaboys may yet save humanity!

(1) Allan Bullock 'Hitler - A Study in Tyranny' pp527

(2) ibid. pp660

Club 18:30 Basra

According to the latest good news Basra could be the holiday destination of choice soon.

It is such a classic, hopeful piece. I particularly loved this:

'With Gordon Brown signalling a troop withdrawal of troops by mid 2009, it's a case of teaching, training and leading by example to get the Iraqi Army, police and provincial councils to continue the work the British Army has started...'

and this:

 'Whether the Iraqis can succeed in transforming the city after the British leave remains to be seen.'

See all along those naughty Iraqi's just needed a damn good lesson! Bloody savages!

Dig Deep for Oil Relief

Despite announcing Big Profits[1] the poor and disadvantaged big gas & oil companies are hurting. This is an Esso S, everyone dig hard into your pockets and Shell out for Oil Relief. We need your government’s Total commitment. (All puns intended)

According to an article in today's Financial Times " The new Seven Sisters: oil and gas giants dwarf western rivals [2]": “The International Energy Agency, the developed world’s sectoral watchdog, calculates that 90 per cent of new supplies will come from developing countries in the next 40 years." This is a cause for concern.

Except for our nice friends the Saudi’s, who give corruption, repression and absolutism, new meaning[3]. We like to do business with these kinda guys and pull out all the stops to make it so, as Blair recently showed by pulling the plug on the Serious Fraud Office’s investigation into the BAE, Saudi arms deal.[4]