Now on Primetime Bashing the Poor

Angry Person.

Before I say a word please read this important appeal

call on Iain Duncan Smith to prove his claim to be able to live on £7.57 a day, or £53 a week, by doing so for one year.

Like most cabinet ministers he ignores the public will

Why Irish Bastards Drink*

You would love Ireland. We have two seasons. In Winter the rain is cold. In Summer the rain is warm.
We see funny round things in the sky occasionally. People say they are the Sun and the Moon, but we never see enough of either to be sure :-) turning up the heating

Instead of just getting drunk and having a good time we should pause and contemplate that there is a greater need to reflect on the deep irony of celebrating driving the snakes from Ireland when it is once again infested with a den of vipers. Behold;

The four-leaf clover is an uncommon variation of the common, three-leaved clover. According to tradition, such leaves bring good luck to their finders, especially if found accidentally. Wickedpedia

This is of course LIES! A four leaf shamrock brings a curse especially if you find two together and pick up a penny.  He who finds such dark tokens will be visited thrice by shitty misfortune.

* welcome new readers and know this; we are proud to be Bastards it is a good thing. To be french is not which is why we must invade Normandy again. I am considering launching the offensive under the cover of eurovision.

#FutureHistory Plague in North, Poor Cast Out of London

Without begging Dave will have to bin raid for dinner.

Poor Cast from Slums

The more things change

Profit George to Set Up Tax Abuse Helpline

"Tell us how did your tax abuse make you feel?"

Profligate Profit George is hoping to keep the yellow bastards in the coalition of the willing quiet by throwing poor brown people a frickin' bone. There is a central belief in the corridors of power that poverty begins at home due to fecklessness, idleness and genetic inferiority, but charity is useful abroad to shut the liberals up. Behold

#FutureHistory Perfumed Arseholes

It has always been thus.

The so-called Dark Ages saw a time when filth and stench were part of daily life in Europe, whether in town or country. Lack of effective sanitation or plumbing, coupled with rising urban populations, inadequate nutrition resulting from insufficient food supplies, and low morale brought about by a corrupt feudal system, eventually led to

Dave's Benefits Shocker: Jobs for Cabbage Patch Dolls

The Tory Party Work Waggon came to take the local benefit scroungers home after their day in the fields.

With the economy in a slump, poor people never cease in their ability to entertain the privileged - as long as they are in cages, behind walls or being viewed from afar. My source Bob has exclusively revealed to me that Dave 'the Lizard' Cameron - who may or may not end up scrounging in bins for party funds if his cosy dinners are stopped - has decided to launch an offensive against anyone on disability benefit. This is part of his wider war on benefits which has Daily Mail readers ordering record quantities of tissues. With the War on France* still at the phoney stage it has been decided that we should at least be fighting something. Now whilst fighting poverty is seen in some nefarious quarters as a laudable leftie [translation: communist rat] thing to do when you are not chucking bombs at brown people, for those of a more right wing persuasion there is nothing better than smashing the poor in the face marching poor people to the Gulags where they can begin to earn their keep and eat cabbages. If it gets really cold then there's nothing wrong with burning poor people as a sustainable heating source.

I Don't Like Tuesday's I Fucking Hate Them

When were you born? Can you join my cause?
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This blog was started five years ago tomorrow, so I am revisiting some of the core principles I hold in the hope you may better understand the importance of my mission. It is no coincidence that on most of the planet right now it is a Double Monday.

Whilst consumerist morons are waylaid by Valentine's Day, avid readers of this blog will know that Tuesday is Double Monday and is inherently and utterly evil. What you may not know is why I have been on a mission to destroy this day since the dawn of my time.... 

There are no Problems only Solutions

Do poor people really need limbs?
If we remove their hands they cannot beg
Image:
Mihail Chemiakin: The Children – Victims Of Adult Vices

Agent Arsenal Bob has revealed secret government plans so that taxpayers no longer have to fund their fellow man. A speech will explain how the Spirit of Enterprise and tax payers must be allowed to breathe again after being nearly suffocated by the needs of poor people. It's only fair. Other policies include:

War on Mexico: America sends in the Grunts

BREAKING: "Mexico fights invasion...Animals crossing into country from Texas"

I warned that GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry was planning a war on Mexico. Now I have found that the Republican stronghold of Texas is regularly sending 50,000 grunts onto Mexican soil in a massive escalation of hostilities although as no one has actually declared war, it's still not a war like the Vietnam Conflict. 

The Grunts, descended from a race of Europeans, are according to my sources "ferocious, destroy crops and attack humans...weigh an average of 220 pounds [100 kilos or 15st 10.5lb], with some weighing up to 330 pounds [a whopping 150 kg or 23st 8.7lb]."