#OccupyTuesday Signs in the Heavens

Behold;

[Egyptian manuscript] defies the official Easter timeline by putting the day of Jesus' arrest on Tuesday evening, rather than the canonically agreed Thursday. Shape-shifting Jesus spent his last supper with Pontius Pilate, claims just-deciphered 1,200*-year-old Egyptian manuscript

* avid readers will know this contains the sacred numbers.

Solar Fart to Save America from Pounding?

"Heaven and Earth may be aligning to turn Hurricane Sandy into a real monster, just in time for Halloween."

NASA Sees Hurricane Sandy as the "Bride of Frankenstorm" Approaching U.S. East Coast

Warm, wild and wet from Cuba is promising to mingle juices with penetrating cold from Canada. The resulting froth is promising to explode over the eastern coast of America. Helped by the rhythmic motion of the full moon the surge could make things very messy as NASA explain;

Extreme Warning: Double Mondays of the Mighty 12

It is rumoured by science sources that looking at tits makes us happy. This would also explain most adverts I am subjected to - pop videos especially included. In this age of Aquarius, adverts have become our ritual replacement for the honour of sharing a room with an actual human soul. I will save humanity by forever banishing this horrendous ritual we have been exposed to

No, not this ritual, although I'm with Cartman on the hippies
There are clearly no Global Warning Sharks here

I Don't Like Tuesday's I Fucking Hate Them

When were you born? Can you join my cause?
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This blog was started five years ago tomorrow, so I am revisiting some of the core principles I hold in the hope you may better understand the importance of my mission. It is no coincidence that on most of the planet right now it is a Double Monday.

Whilst consumerist morons are waylaid by Valentine's Day, avid readers of this blog will know that Tuesday is Double Monday and is inherently and utterly evil. What you may not know is why I have been on a mission to destroy this day since the dawn of my time.... 

#OccupyTuesday: A Letter to my Old Age Stalker*

4th Double Monday of the Mighty 12

*A letter to my stalker in the hopes it will appease him. I do not want the old people realising my policy proposals are not satire. This small font is one small way of combating them and, like governments, treating them like mushrooms by keeping them in the dark and in the shit. The only bad part of keeping them in the dark is they have more money towards winter fuel payments and less die as planned. There is however the plus side which is the energy companies can recoup some of the vast amounts these scroungers scam from them every winter by wearing extra jumpers and hiding under blankets.

Dear Les, 

I didn't know they were after the Acropolis** as the cost of export would be prohibitive with rising fuel costs despite the recent plunder of Carthage.

#OccupyTuesday: @LudditeDave < Message in Mudbrick

Probably made from Worm Poo

I mistakenly called Dave the Lizard, Profit. He is a Luddite, believing that when you remove the miasma the problem goes away. Sometimes this works as there are millions of beliebers their enfeebled minds incapable of defending themselves against bullshit. What worries me is that he is increasing his power over his mindless twits. he sucks out their very souls when they follow him. he is the one that must be destroyed. he doesn't even care for the 1% of belibers, as they have no souls.* In any war, Zombies and Grunts are always an expendable commodity. We really do not have long to prepare and the Luddite Dave is wasting time appeasing the Kraken, not fulfilling him. It may be too late for Dave. He will be denied the golden shower and was right to suspect European forces were conspiring against him, but for the wrong reasons. 

#OccupyTuesday Pandamonium

The dangers of saying No to a Panda are not as well known as they should be. Not only is there video evidence of this but my sources confirm:

Though the panda is often assumed to be docile, it has been known to attack humans, presumably out of irritation

This is a perfectly natural response most people have to other people on occasion, like listening to the evil one and his beliebers or when watching the X-Factor which were combined to such effect this week that the UK had a mass protest against him last week.

#OccupyTuesday UK to Strike in Protest at bieber*

In League with Santa
All I want for Christmas is Evil to stop

Sometimes there are no coincidences. That the day before Double Monday the government spoke out against the 'militants' and 'hardliners' was no surprise to me just not for the reasons I had been led to believe. 

Avid followers of this blog will already know that:

• My sources have found incontrovertible proof of the wrinkled hand of the elderly at work and how these wily old campaigners know exactly what civil disobedience was like back in the day. 
• That somewhere on the planet it will be a Tuesday. 
• That I have bravely spoken out  out, despite the inherent danger to my person, against the fanatical beliebf of the 1% who follow him*. 
• That the Kraken is somehow involved and will not be happy with people doing Greek impressions. 

Modern Warfare 3 Now It's Political

Would the Honourable Member like the Tea Bag in or out?
Dedicated to those in the Battlefield of Modern Warfare
and Freedom loving Monkey's Everywhere

I have made a hypothetical reconstruction (see above) of what Tom Watson may or may not have wanted to do with his honourable member after Keith Vaz. Vaz is the High Priest of the Forces of Censorship and made an open Declaration of War when he tabled a motion in protest against Modern Warfare. This immediately offended the wealth and fanatical dedication of a small country. The People of #MW3 number in their millions and are growing (and learning) fast. According to the latest sources they have a fanatical hardcore of 3 million, General Watson knew how many stood behind him, so he picked up the motion and fashioned his response before hurling it back:

Bob's Dispatch: Conclusive Proof of Left-Wing Bias at BBC

a Daily Mail Readers' Wet Dream

The latest from my source Agent Arsenal Bob. I have redacted some of his comments for the earth is not ready for some revelations yet. For a similar reason do not show this image to Daily Mail readers without Medical Assistance and tissues close to hand.