Happy New Year Twits

The First Double Monday of the Mighty Twelve+1

My Message to the Masses *coughs*

Let's face it, New Year doesn't mean anything as if we're being honest it started before Christmas when the Sun[god] hung low in the sky before rising again*

***ADVERT BREAKING***

Join Me...or Die on Google+

Gunning for Santa

Do not approach Santa. He is armed and dangerous.

Muffle Santa: Dunk Your Tea Bag for Victory!

Our fargan rights are being violated!

Can anyone explain the naked man on a statue outside Whitehall? twitter.com/twistedguru/st…

— Ellie Ohajah (@twistedguru) November 23, 2012

I had hoped to hold off on my plans until after the full moon, especially as I saw an agent of the Baron who narrowly escaped my flap crushing blow. Sadly the intolerable levels of Christmas adverts along with the sight of a very drunk crooner dry humping a turtle have left me no other choice. 

Hiding the Shitstorm..*

As a devout Hixian, I often feel language is underrated. The language spoken in these Bastard Isles evolved into a multi headed beast, fed on the blood of our ancestors and various [illegal] alien space invaders who don't speak the same lingo. One of those cunning lingual influences has a distinct Germanic flavour.

leaked movie poster
World Famous Hybrid Jumping  Global Warning Sharks

The Year of the Panda

The K Index can't be arsed and is doing a Panda

The Sun is continuing to defy the best efforts of David Cameron and Nicholas Sarkozy who sent a missile into the face of the sun because it wasn't doing what they wanted. The Sun has now flatlined in protest. 

Imagine this Hairy Ass Doing a TeaBag in your face
Image: Wikipedia

Resident Evil: the Kraken Redux

Some sources say computer games and television help us normalise the unthinkable by dehumanising and desensitising us to graphic levels of visual and sensory pornography. Mills and Boon books probably do the same thing to old ladies.* Milk Snatcher Maggie Thatcher showed that old ladies cannot be trusted. If Mills and Boon ever come to PlayStation3 then you know they have taken over. But that concern is for another day. There is a new threat on my horizon and I am scared:

Modern Warfare 3 Now It's Political

Would the Honourable Member like the Tea Bag in or out?
Dedicated to those in the Battlefield of Modern Warfare
and Freedom loving Monkey's Everywhere

I have made a hypothetical reconstruction (see above) of what Tom Watson may or may not have wanted to do with his honourable member after Keith Vaz. Vaz is the High Priest of the Forces of Censorship and made an open Declaration of War when he tabled a motion in protest against Modern Warfare. This immediately offended the wealth and fanatical dedication of a small country. The People of #MW3 number in their millions and are growing (and learning) fast. According to the latest sources they have a fanatical hardcore of 3 million, General Watson knew how many stood behind him, so he picked up the motion and fashioned his response before hurling it back:

Monkey Says Murder Beiber

Do as the monkey says. Do as the monkey says.

A Message from the Sun God: Tea Bagging* +the Great Filament

Planting a Muffler* on the Surface of the Sun[god]

"It's one of the biggest things in the entire solar system. A dark filament of magnetism measuring more than 800,000 km from end to end is sprawled diagonally across the face of the Sun[god]. NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory took an ultraviolet picture of the structure during the late hours of Nov. 17th

Roseanne Barr appearing in new TV show #occupywallstreet*

Max Headroom and Max Keiser
No one has ever seen them together...

...Hmm

Despite appearances, I don't always follow American politics. My immediate fears lie with the Northern Threat. Despite this apparent lack of focus, I think I have just watched former comedian Roseanne Barr announce her candidacy for president of the USA! This is her Killer Policy: