Muffle Santa: Dunk Your Tea Bag for Victory!

Our fargan rights are being violated!

Can anyone explain the naked man on a statue outside Whitehall? twitter.com/twistedguru/st…

— Ellie Ohajah (@twistedguru) November 23, 2012

I had hoped to hold off on my plans until after the full moon, especially as I saw an agent of the Baron who narrowly escaped my flap crushing blow. Sadly the intolerable levels of Christmas adverts along with the sight of a very drunk crooner dry humping a turtle have left me no other choice. 

Sun's Christmas Message: Ill Winds

"what the Christmas star looks like in the 21st century"
Some had hoped it would be Santa
Image: Roman Breisch

The portents were good as a star shone brightly in the sky. The Great "Birthday Comet" of 2011, against all odds, survived and the Sungod after consuming vast amounts of Brussel Sprouts let off to show appreciation. But still my plan failed. The Old Northern Terrorist the Satan Clause is still alive and no Panda has emerged. I tried last night to catch him and waited hours for him to come down the chimney. He never came. This could be because I drank everything in sight leaving nothing for him or he came after I passed out. Unlike, everyone else who drunk to forget the pain of the dark at Christmas, I was seeking Dutch courage and absolution.

All I Want for Christmas is War

It appears Mexico has backed down in their ongoing war with the United States and refused to take political prisoner Saadi Gaddafi. This could be a breach of international obligations but since no one cares about them any more we will move on. 

The liberal idiot Jon Stewart has declared war on Christmas (see video below if it works why not try giggle). This is typical of liberal idiots always getting it wrong. It's Santa that needs to be taken out so we can free the Panda inside him. Reclaim the Festive season and get back to worshipping the Sungod and his Panda. As Hannibal said in antiquity, 'Of course I have a plan. But it's a secret.'

The Panda Inside Santa Must be Freed!
Is this picture from Wikipedia Panda Porn?

Cameron's Austerity Christmas

Dave with his hounds after a successful mission to the pole
Image ©MrMurray

With Briton's increasingly turning to suicide to evade paying their debts, British Prime Minister David Cameron has called for a radical rethink of Christmas in the Age of Austerity. According to sources, Dave has been increasingly concerned that some may take the easy way out and kill themselves. Increasing suspicion has been thrown upon the evil old Terrorist in the North pole and because as a child he didn't get what he asked for despite several faxes to Santa. This resentment has festered and Dave has asked his servants to 'sex-up' a document so that he can take out the Old Man of the North. This is not the first time that Dave has attacked Santa. Five months ago, John Wiltshire of Newsbiscuit revealed that Dave

#OccupyFriday God is in the Detail

Guest Sermon by Cosmetic Brain Surgery

The doors did not close, for my love is unconditional

The people said "the invisible hand of the free market is really God at work." However, a man once told of a Merchant who said: