The Anti-Pope* Franny the 1st Plagued by Communist Rats

Stick it up ya junta 

Father Orlando Yorio and Father Francisco Jalics were tortured and kept in a concentration camp for nearly six months in 1976, after they refused Bergoglio's order to leave the slum where they were working. In that era, any priest who focused on the poor districts was under suspicion of collaborating with Marxist groups. Pope Francis's critics in Argentina say document suggests he betrayed priest

Den of Vipers Attacks Gay Penguins

This Sunday in pulpits ears were burned with righteous anger.

Revolting Gay Penguins

Disgusting.

I am awaiting the reaction of the Church and several tory MPs following this disturbing news*

small, non-dominant Atlantic molly males, often overlooked for larger, flashier rivals as mating partners, rose vastly in the esteem of females that observed them copulating - regardless of the partner's sex.

* although if I'm being honest I haven't asked.

#OccupyFriday When Holy Men Cast the First Stone*

Guest Sermon by Cosmetic Brain Surgery

A Teaching:

"Samaritans were much despised by Jews. if this story [Luke 10:25-37] was just about helping the needy, whoever they are, it would have been sufficient to cast the Samaritan as the victim and the Jew layperson as the person who helped. Crucially, however, the hated Samaritan is held up as the moral exemplar. A much more radical conclusion is this suggested; we must overcome religious bigotry." [Terry Eagleton presents Jesus Christ the Gospels, pp 172]

Church Interpretation:

#OccupyFriday God is in the Detail

Guest Sermon by Cosmetic Brain Surgery

The doors did not close, for my love is unconditional

The people said "the invisible hand of the free market is really God at work." However, a man once told of a Merchant who said:

Blesssshh you my schun - Binge Drinking with the Big J

To combat ever dwindling church goers and the increasing march of naughty brown people prostrating themselves before Allah, the Church of England has finally grown some Cojones and:

'is planning to open wine bars and introduce "loyalty cards" in a package of measures designed to make it more businesslike....

The Very Rev Christopher Lewis, the chairman of the Association of English Cathedrals, welcomed the proposals. "We have to be willing to embrace change to keep places going," he said. "As long as it's done carefully, wine bars are a good idea as they bring people in and are a good meeting place."

Not that this hasn't happened before, it's usually under the guise of a social club where the priests could get utterly plastered with parishioners as they congregated at the bar. But that was just for the devoted red nosed few, these new proposals are bringing alcoholism to the masses.

Why are the media not in uproar over this blatant encouragement of binge drinking, even if it in the name of Jesus? Could it possibly offend middle-class sensibilities that God fearing (not loving) church goers could be piss heads as opposed to the lower class louts vomiting outsides Weatherspoons?