Sheep Shagging Zombies @theBBC

A lump of meat is of more use to the BBC than the general public*

To understand the mindset of shoddy journalists is really not hard - they look down on anyone who doesn't agree with them. They also have a pathological fear of sheep that can think for themselves and draw their own conclusions. Thankfully these insurgent thinking sheep only exist in the virtual world and the delete button is ever powerful. Who knows what infection these sheep carry?

Shoddy journalists, along with shoddy politicians have done unspeakable things to children as I revealed on Twitter:

BBC The Freedom from Information

Management have been Gagging the Staff

On childrens television known rats such as Jimmy Saville and Roland Rat ruined many a childhood (according to Smiffy). I have already shown that the BBC have proven links with Communist Rats like Lenin. 

This culture of secrecy has helped bury the story that - former keyboard player with ultra soft rockers Dare and known occult follower of the CERNgod - Brian Cox has been stopped from phoning ALIENS by the BBC in case they picked up. They want us to believe this is for 'health and safety' reasons. Asif. How can we expect the BBC to tell the truth when they are circling the waggons?

F1 Torture* Set to Run

An artists impression of the safe streets of Bahrain. 

Meet John. He used to work for the police, now he's a now fully paid up member and guest of a 'murderous regime'  who have really made him feel at home

"Along with my family, I feel completely safe [in Bahrain]. Indeed, safer than I have often felt in London."

of course feeling safe is important, but it's just who feels safe that's important. I can sympathise with this view as I don't feel safe either - being plagued by paranoia brought on by extreme bouts of megalomania. I am perpetually filled with fear from watching the news channels, but more importantly I know the threat the Kraken poses to our way of life and I'm not being paid for my opinion. 

Carlos Latuff: the killing of Ali Yousif al-Badah by police vehicles

The Porn of Mother Earth: Animal Prostitution

Penguin Whores

Why have the tabloid Daily Shits* not been protesting profusely about this outrage and why have no bleeding heart liberals tried to #occupy** zoos, jungle warzones (of an officially dead Africa) or indeed the South Pole which is apparently quite hot these days if these sources are anything to go by; 

Bob's Dispatch: Conclusive Proof of Left-Wing Bias at BBC

a Daily Mail Readers' Wet Dream

The latest from my source Agent Arsenal Bob. I have redacted some of his comments for the earth is not ready for some revelations yet. For a similar reason do not show this image to Daily Mail readers without Medical Assistance and tissues close to hand. 

End of the World - Marabou Stork Nightmares

Traders and Bankers on the Scrounge

Truth has been spoken from the mouths of the Disciples of the Beast. One Disciple who trades in the virtual world of 21st Century finance, spoke truth to the BBC when he said that it was Goldman Sachs, not politicians, that rule the world:

Robert Peston from the Virtual BBC

The Science of South Park Part 1

South Park: Make Love, Not Warcraft

Apparently socialising stops you becoming a porker. So much so that one professor at Ohio State University was "amazed at the degree of fat loss that occurs."

Anti Work

The BBC reported today that “People who regularly put in overtime and work 10 or 11-hour days increase their heart disease risk by nearly two-thirds, research suggests.” This follows the publication of a study of 6,000 British civil servants in the European Heart Journal.

Cathy Ross a senior cardiac nurse at the British Heart Foundation, said: "Until researchers understand how our working lives can affect the risk to our heart health….we should refrain from all forms of work.” Okay I made the last part of that sentence up, but there’s always hope.

As Bob Black argued in ‘The Abolition of Work’ “Work is the source of nearly all the misery in the world. Almost any evil you'd care to name comes from working or from living in a world designed for work. In order to stop suffering, we have to stop working.” I may well have to add this proposal to my Constitution when (not if) I take over the world in my bid to ban Tuesdays.

I am led to believe by my sources that certain right-wing think tanks and their spin doctors are looking into this issue, although they are looking at banning the word due to it’s obvious negative connotations, rather than banning work. These sources say that they are undecided as to what word will replace ‘work’ but suggestions have included ‘neo-slavery’, ‘plebbing’ and ‘know your role’.

In the meantime, if your boss tries to strong arm you into some extra hours, feign a pain in your arm and have some blue food colouring handy to coat your lips.

Capitalism - A Marabou Stork Nightmare

It's only Monday and the markets are taking a hammering and the dollar is crashing again. As usual the BBC's Robert Peston offered some analysis on Meltdown Monday but unsurprisingly its the comments from the public that are more insightful than the BBC's own(although I do concede that there is another bovine element that post on message boards). Take for example this gem from sizzlestick:

"In 1997, we dumb Asians listened in abject humility as the "wise" men of both IMF and the World Bank lectured us what a sound financial system should be like. These guys went so far as to brand Malaysian PM Dr. Mahathir an incompetent Finance Minister who practised [sic] voodoo economics. 

So how now? Any wise advices [sic] for the incompetent US Fed Governor and Secretary of the Treasury."

The Gervaise family are known for their long beaks and links to General Depravity.
GONADS have theorised these features evolved for digging in corpses and snorting Columbia's finest.

Well, for what it's worth, I have some advice.