Monday, 3 October 2011

War on Mexico - Are Republicans on Drugs?



The problem with modern warfare is that the price of petrol is making blowing up brown people prohibitive, not to mention the odd bit of bad publicity when you blow up a wedding party (which in Arcade Mode is normally bonus points). 

Republican nutjob Rick Perry is firmly against sending US troops to their deaths in far flung places and instead sees an opportunity closer to home:
"It may require our military in Mexico working in concert with them to kill these drug cartels and keep them off our border,"
Sources tell me there is the unexpressed hope also, that this will stem the flow of immigration at source and if petrol gets too expensive then they can always cycle over the border and chuck some grenades at the locals. Thus, Perry has at a stroke solved the problem of how to make blowing up brown people cheaper. This is also a return to the traditional values that were expounded by Reagan in the 1980's - blowing up brown people without having to leave the continent. Many Republicans had tried to begin campaigns in their own states to blow up Mexicans, especially any trying to cross the border, however blowing up the childcare doesn't go down well with the children.

Many Southern States have already reported an increase in locals turning up and asking for free weapons so they can fight the ongoing Mexican insurgency. My sources have said that the Mexican Drug Cartels are using a form of Capitalism not officially sanctioned by the government and so must be stopped, but could not confirm that Perry's policy is an attempt to take over the drug supply at source.

Frustrated I Googled 'Republican Drug Running Policy' and got some results lots for specialist adviser to the Antipodean Beast and Fox News mouthpiece Oliver North:

The CIA & Drugs
Oliver North-Drug Trafficking Hero

Which can't be right. No one that dirty could be allowed public office, let alone be allowed to live under certain state laws. So I turned to American Dad for an explanation of why North is so heavily linked with drug trafficking but is exonerated of all responsibility:

Satisfied with this, I was able to channel the late Bill Hicks for his opinion on the War on Drugs which has me quite worried as to how the war is going to go: 

DISCLAIMER: Any connection between the truth and this article is entirely coincidental. 

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