Premonitions of the Faces of Evil

Some of the Kraken's effluent.
He may have escaped three cycles ago.
He must be lured back to the Mediterranean.
Our very future is at steak.
Image: Broken TV.

The future, the past and today are all the same.

The threats we face today are no different than those of our ancestors.

We are their collective imagination

What will be, has been

There is only FutureHistory

I intend to write it

Old Age Terrorists #10 Trial and Prejudice

GingerLeaks Exclusive

The Flanders Pigeon Murderer

Rush Release: Due to the importance of this and upcoming emergency developments following the Met Office claiming we are in for El Scorchio, I have had to release this early. Expect further developments to be added shortly.

I have uncovered secret video tape of trial of the most wanted person in the known Universe, Captain Mainwaring [pronounced Manner-ing]. His reported crimes have something to do with leakage, which is a common affliction of the elderly. This is a great sign as it shows governments are now taking the threat of coffin dodgers seriously it is only the first of many steps until the day our youth and future are filled not with fear but the image of a boot stamping on an old persons face for ever. They should be ensuring old people never see the light of freedom now rather than waiting for the inevitable attack. Considering the explosion of oldies, we may already be too late.

#OccupyTuesday: A Letter to my Old Age Stalker*

4th Double Monday of the Mighty 12

*A letter to my stalker in the hopes it will appease him. I do not want the old people realising my policy proposals are not satire. This small font is one small way of combating them and, like governments, treating them like mushrooms by keeping them in the dark and in the shit. The only bad part of keeping them in the dark is they have more money towards winter fuel payments and less die as planned. There is however the plus side which is the energy companies can recoup some of the vast amounts these scroungers scam from them every winter by wearing extra jumpers and hiding under blankets.

Dear Les, 

I didn't know they were after the Acropolis** as the cost of export would be prohibitive with rising fuel costs despite the recent plunder of Carthage.

The Great Fight with France

How could I not compare  one diminutive French leader to the other?
Both have no neck either and could be described as 'quel connard '

After giving this much thought, I now see that war is needed and not just a Twitter war on beliebers.

Needy Animals

Emotional blackmail.
Cats should be put down*

Guest Post:

ADVERT BREAK: Tory vs. Salmon (ft Nazi Panda Bear)

Some have speculated this Panda is in a medically induced coma, some have even said they are performing a nuanced interpretation of the last days of our economy as it turns into a zombie leaving the viewer wondering how long the apocalypse can feature in sequels. Yet when viewed through the softened lens of the Theory of Bob, one can see the Panda exploring the light within and without. In a single gesture this Panda has conveyed all there is to be said for the economic and weather forecasts for 2012 yet leaves us with hope. In a powerhouse performance that must surely be entered for this year's Turner Prize, we are shown the solar kick, not once but twice 1-2 confirming it's mystic origins. 

Sun Pulls Cheeks Apart

I really hope there are not many particles this time

Coronal holes are places where the sun's magnetic field opens up and allows the solar wind to escape. This yawning hole is about 120,000 km wide and more than a million km long. Solar wind flowing from its UV-dark abyss will reach Earth on Jan. 16th or 17th, possibly sparking auroras for high-latitude sky watchers.

SCROLL UPDATE 3rd Double Monday of the Mighty 12: 

Scotland to be Privatised*

Wanted for Crimes Against the Union
Links with far right?

"Alas, I have often said to myself what are the boasted advantages which my country reaps from a certain Union that counterbalance the annihilation of her Independence, and even her name !" 

Scotland, a place where there are twice as many Panda's as there are Conservative Members of Parliament, may be punished for the indiscretion of A Salmon as dark forces threaten to tear the union apart. Rumours have circulated about affairs and rumours persist that our former friends in the North are conspiring with those even further North. Even if these rumours are found to be just that - rumours - sources have said they may just privatise Scotland to bind them to the Union as it would offend God to break the union, and  let's face it, it's only fair that someone makes a profit. As it is, one set of two-timing bastards have accused the other half** of vile things and expect them to lie down and take the abuse. However asking any Scot to lie down and think of England is hardly going to get them in the mood for getting into bed, especially, as history tells us, when there's no gold involved.

Everything is Connected

Guest post by Cosmetic Brain Surgery [annoying commentary by GingerZilla]:

Cosmic Latte: Artists illustration of the Sun[god] sending particles
Is there a connection between solar pyroflatulence and auroras?

It is how our ancestors became one with the spirits. They listened. They danced. They sang. They worshipped the Sun[god] that brought them life and light. Without these warm, loving rays we would not exist and so our ancestors built monuments to chart our passage through the heavens [erm are you sure about this GONADS have some startling revelations and it doesn't involve the Sun[god] in this way. Why haven't you mentioned the Kraken yet?].

12th Night: Release the Kraken for 2012

Below the thunders of the upper deep;
Far far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The Kraken sleepeth...- The Kraken, by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Magic #3: Flatulent Earth Theory

He may be old but his understanding of theory is impeccable. 

I cannot discount his words just because of this or that he has a beard.

In the Innu mythology of Canada, Matshishkapeu (literally the "Fart Man") is the most powerful spirit, a legendary shaman capable of inflicting gastrointestinal pain or relief. [Wikipedia]

Peanuts** or One Small* Problem with Dave's Big Society

Lorraine Kelly's Growler receives an award 

Dark Matters: Spray Painting your InitIation*

NASA, ESA and R. Massey (CIT)

3D [*third eye] distribution of dark matter in the Universe

I am working exclusively today on a new TV program**. The stars are real cops that play cops and robbers with toy weapons, bringing the gritty realism of the streets of Belfast (c. 70's-80's) and Belgrade (c. 1962) bang up to date on the streets of England and Wales. It will be a good old dirty youth fight, with plastic bullets and water cannons daily on prime time Daily Express TV (Channel 5). If this happens during a cold spell this could be excellent as we watch protesters freeze to the spot, making beautiful living (for a short time) ice sculptures.