The Great Fight with France

How could I not compare  one diminutive French leader to the other?
Both have no neck either and could be described as 'quel connard '

After giving this much thought, I now see that war is needed and not just a Twitter war on beliebers.

If we have no bonuses how else are we expected to contribute to party funds?

In the long view America was right when they tried to ban French Fries and rename them Freedom Fries (served with a side order of idiot cheese). Recently, despite the façade of comradeliness between Sarky and Obama who share anti-Semitism in common, we have seen a gradual falling out. This has been highlighted by the European schism when England, erm sorry Britain, said they wanted no part of the European tithe system if this meant taxing the City. Taking money from the poor people is one thing, but what the jealous Eurocrats do not seem to be aware is that this would involve enacting ancient laws to protect the City. These emergency laws have been in place since time immoral to fend off the threat of from greedy French bastards across the channel. Also gazing across the waters we find the co-conspirators in this infamy are in cahoots with Germany or to be precise Chancellor Angela Myrtle. Myrtle the Turtle is linked to Bear killers and the most evil thing on the face of this planet one Baron Von S*******.* It's not hard to imagine what these two have planned, BEHOLD:

Sarkozy and Merkle

They are of course not alone in dreaming up plans for financial weapons of mass destruction, especially if any of this money is used on the people whose infinitesimally small minds do not understand the importance of destroying the economy so it can phoenix like raise from the ashes. Despite two previous failed attempts, a new quantitative easing period* is coming closer to reality. This would be a mistake as the world economy will still plummet and we will have an enraged, slimmed down Kraken thrashing around the oceans of the world to deal with - doubling our troubles. I have already revealed how the economy is in peril as all the money is being kept by the bankers, who instead of turning this into gold for the tithe, keep spending it fancy restaurants. Seriously, do we need this level of cooking, very possibly copied from the French nobility, in our BRITISH eating establishments?

Now whilst taking money away from the bankers may seem like socialism gone mad, once you factor a war in, then you have fundamentally changed the dynamic and your stalling economy can produce again, unless of course you have to import all your weapons.

According to the GDP, the more expensive the war machinery, the more profit we get to add to our Gross Domestic Product! So corporations can count on fat national contracts—and citizens get to pay for it.

We have also to consider, as America have, that faraway wars are not a great thing in a time of  increasing fuel prices. However, there is a lot of sense to America's actions in taking the fight closer to home. One could argue that after more than half a century of blowing up brown people in the far reaches of the globe they have come to their senses and taken action locally. Apart from the alien problem, there is also the demographic timebomb to consider. Inspiring war like actions at a local level makes economic sense and readily taps into ancient sources of hatred. Texas has, en mass, offered to fight Mexico for free using their own resources and fire power to fight for freedom by stopping aliens from crossing the border.

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Alas England has a long way to go to reach this level of patriotism although the Coalition of the EDL, BNP, UKIP and Conservative Party all do their bit. There is hope and that hope is of course through me as any political party will lack the backbone to do what is needed. They are mostly interested in lining their own future pockets, bending over to take one for the country or evolving into fame hungry succubus's.

So why France and not Scotland? Simply put we hate the French more. We always have. Even when we are not fighting them we want to be and have a subconscious desire to fight them. We don't trust them. We probably only saved their hides in Europe out of a sense of duty and because we love a fight, rather than any actual feelings. If I know my English history right, God saved us from these Gallic Bastards by putting a channel in between us, which should have been a big enough hint. Instead this divine sign was ignored by two miserable old gits who destroyed both their countries souls, although this may be more policy based than just making a tunnel!

Whilst the tunnel proved useful for the ongoing exchange of goods such as drugs, duty free cigarettes and alcohol, we must remain alert not aloof for brown people trying to come up through the soft underbelly of Europe. Unless of course they can pass the Citizenship Test, contribute to party funds and causes or serve us fried chicken. Wars do not stop trade - just ask IBM who were quite happy to trade with the Nazi's - so we can continue that most British of pass times, blood sports. 

We like fighting. We like drinking. I see a synergy here. There is, as I have found, no real way to stop our penchant for binge drinking, indeed I have even argued we should use this as a precursor for Citizenship, but why let our people get drunk and just fight wantonly when we can make them drunk and fight with purpose? 

Sir, I say to you the time for words has passed. We cannot appease the French. They do not understand the meaning of the word détente, even if it's their word. They have insulted our very dignity.

The English have a long history of decency and dignity

Now I've sorted binge drinking and youth crime I expect an advisory role in government shortly.

* Dear believers, I had hoped to bring you more news, but it is not safe. Only last Friday I saw a small red arsed bee fly past me. I have no quarrel with bees as they are sent to provide and protect, however if they are around in the middle of January then I must take precautions. Only when the temperature drops will it be safe and I will finally reveal all about the evil Baron, before the almighty conflagration this year.
** QE3, or the licence to print bonus money you pay yourself when you have gambled it all away needed to pay the Kraken his Tithe, which is rumoured to be coming in April. This is when we expect normally Spring to arrive in the Northern Hemisphere, however as Winter appears to have been delayed not cancelled by the ineffectiveness of the carbon filter or because winter normally doesn't arrive until after Christmas, who knows. Sources have not been able to confirm if the rumoured QE3 was the reason Michael Gove has been out with the begging bowl and Dave the Lizard has taken up the mantle of building more war ships in the guise as private enterprise donations for her Maj.

I blame Roseanne Barr for this attempt at humour
One day I will tweet without a typo.
I blame the French for that