ADVERT BREAK: Makes You Stupid and Horny

Brought to you by The Northern Threat
in association with Binge Drinking
and sponsored by Panda+Love

Inside of me is a child and not one I've eaten either. It's the only way to view the world and live through it as a Spanish source informed me:

All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." 

A Child's Understanding of War
Massacre in Korea

That is why love and laughter are so important in winter as is being merry to help combat the onslaught of Christmas music which this year the evil beiber is trying to occupy. Even if you drank a vat of battery acid he would drain any merriment from your soul because he doesn't have one. He must be fucking demented if the words of the Cult of Potter are anything to go by on Twitter.

GingerZilla exclusive revelation on Twitter

Advertising is much more demented or makes you demented - I'm not sure which part came first.

It's a very strange situation when China, known for being freedom loving and respecting human rights are taking the lead in saving their people from Advertising Oppression in the ongoing War on Consciousness™  [New Season on ZillaTV™ coming 2012 - Ed]. Not only did they cancel the number one talent show they have now cancelled adverts during TV drama. By contrast in these Bastard Isles™ we've had changes including longer adverts and finally allowing product placement. I can only presume China's Premier Wen Jiabao watched British television during his visit in June and felt as sick as we do. Any party that adopted this policy would be phenomenally popular, but since advertisers pay for our political parties that's not likely especially with the might of the 1% of beliebers behind them in a conscious mind meld of evil. To make it worse, Christmas™ is coming.

Living in these Bastard Isles™ sometimes I forget what the sun, the moon and the stars look like because it's so cloudy. Now it just gets even darker and colder thanks to the Shadow of the North. Our drunken worship is based upon the ancient pagan ritual for the Sungod awakening. According to Scandinavian sources, when it is dark for most, if not all, of the day there is great logic in getting and staying drunk - besides just turning your blood into anti-freeze. This is ancient knowledge and could well be an environmental adaptation to cope in a harsh mentally oppressive environment. Sources tell in antiquity we had a choice; demon alcohol or fermented seal blubber - although after the former the later does have an appeal at 3am it's quicker and easier to make alcohol.

Despite being worried about drunken Northern hoards, a far worse threat comes each winter, to these Bastard Isles more scary than the smelly old bearded tramp and northern terrorist Santa - and possibly worse even than skin care adverts that blatantly lie by baffling you with words they like making up - which the press do to when they are not placing adverts next to the press releases. You would have to be a Zombie to buy this:

The first evil we must face is the smell industry. The way to rid the world of evil is in a sense like the 'miasmist, who believed that diseases arose spontaneously from accumulations of noxious material.' There is a nasty odour around Zombies. That is why they wear perfume. However far more scary than the bottles of scent, which according to some sources are made from sweat from a homeless person's nether regions, is the Zombie lifestyle they aim to sell me. It's as appealing as having Gary Glitter babysit the kids.

One day I may produce my own essence by collecting arse sweat in a bottle and putting my name on it. I will call it Leader™ I have leaned from celebrities that as long as the advert sells a lifestyle then no one really cares about the product which is inconsequential to the overall message of desire and that's a scientific FACT:

Watch your brain and watch your wallet," [Dr Ian] Cook [UCLA] said. "These results suggest that the lower levels of brain activity from ads employing  [non-rational influence] images could lead to less behavioral inhibition, which could translate to less restraint when it comes to buying products depicted.

Here's some adverts:

But rather than leave the last word on Advertising to science, which I am mistrustful of as I am not footing the bill (well as a taxpayer I am but that's not what I meant), I leave you with the words of the Prophet Bill when his feet once graced this Sceptered Isle:

The Prophet Bill on Sexual Thought:

The Prophet Bill on Sex in Advertising:


Now I must retire and watch copious amounts of Zombie's get heir heads blown off, in preparation of what is to come.