Germany Demands Gold for Kraken

Because of greedy french bastards the Kraken will break free!
How on earth will we get pissed on now?

Last year I revealed (by quoting someone else) in No Gold Shocker for Kraken;

America’s gold is off limits to seemingly everyone and has never been properly audited. Doesn’t that seem odd to you?

and warned in my own words;

Kraken Down on Gold

"when will the people of the UK demand some justice from their Prime Minister, whose borderline act of treason merely to bailout a few financial institutions". Tyler Durden

Kraken Threatens to Eat Polar Bears if Demands not Met

Activists try and avoid being eaten whilst looking for bears that Mann hasn't eaten

BREAKING: The Kraken has threatened to eat all the Polar Bears unless his demands for Gold* are met. A crack squad of Global Warning Sharks has been sent on a mission to the North Pole in the hope of fending him off by bashing him on the nose a few times in the hope he heads back to Greece. Whilst many had hoped to encounter open waters, the Arctic is not as ice free as hoped

Nothing to See Hierro: The Volcano Porn of Middle Earth

Starring the Kraken in...

Club Med Escape to Victory

Episode 1

The Kraken, using the natural rhythms of the Sun[god], is trying to excite the Earth Mother into one great heaving Organasm to ease his passage. I can't believe I didn't see it coming, but I have been playing the sections back, frame by frame to make sure my conclusions were strong. This is part of the problem of being addicted to volcano porn.

Disclaimer: Distant Cousins? 
Feb 18th: Officer Barbrady's Birthday and Mount Fuji rumbles

Meanwhile on the far south western reaches officials have been rumoured to be chanting a dark, secretive mantra

'se mueven a lo largo de la gente, nada que ver aquí' 

whenever they are asked about the motion of fluids. Now records have emerged from the depths of the Mediterranean Middle Earth featuring hardcore Greek, Italian and Spanish. webcam action...

Message from our Sponsors

City Under Siege: Cameron Calls for Mass Sacrifice

Is Profit George pinching our faces?
A spokesperson said Profit George is pinching himself,
demonstrating he shares our pain.
Some sources have claimed he was crushing our heads.

Shocking Revelations: The Ferengi Scrolls

Does this alien control fiscal policy?
Is he responsible for the Kraken's rage?
Does he rub lobes with the Kraken?

The more I have found out about the misunderstood Kraken, the more I feel compassion for him/her/it. Apart from spending millennia swimming through his own excrement, being fed promissory notes instead of gold, being surrounded by rowdy locals that have a habit of rioting and pillaging from each other since consciousness was subjected to the first rule of acquisition*: 

Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

Kraken on Crack: Golden Showers Update

I've cracked it! The reason the Kraken has not delivered the golden shower on the people and is swimming around the Mediterranean searching for an ever larger tithe, almost like a crack addict seeking a bigger fix, is simple. Let me explain...

Is this what we have reduced the Great Kraken to? 

Death and Taxes the Continuing Adventures of the Kraken

Bob has deciphered this BBC news item on the Tithe
Many of Bob's dispatches are not shown here.
The earth is not ready for such revelation, yet.
I am also having difficulty reading his handwriting.

Under current legislation and loopholes in the law, some people are able to shirk their responsibilities and do not contribute to society. This is NOT fair.