Starring the Kraken in...
Club Med Escape to Victory
Episode 1
The Kraken, using the natural rhythms of the Sun[god], is trying to excite the Earth Mother into one great heaving Organasm to ease his passage. I can't believe I didn't see it coming, but I have been playing the sections back, frame by frame to make sure my conclusions were strong. This is part of the problem of being addicted to volcano porn.
The Kraken, using the natural rhythms of the Sun[god], is trying to excite the Earth Mother into one great heaving Organasm to ease his passage. I can't believe I didn't see it coming, but I have been playing the sections back, frame by frame to make sure my conclusions were strong. This is part of the problem of being addicted to volcano porn.
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| Disclaimer: Distant Cousins? Feb 18th: Officer Barbrady's Birthday and Mount Fuji rumbles |
Meanwhile on the far south western reaches officials have been rumoured to be chanting a dark, secretive mantra
'se mueven a lo largo de la gente, nada que ver aquí'
whenever they are asked about the motion of fluids. Now records have emerged from the depths of the Mediterranean Middle Earth featuring hardcore Greek, Italian and Spanish. webcam action...
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| The Greek Diet does not agree with the Kraken Image from Ustream |
On 5th January 2012 the Kraken was swimming under Etna. This was following the Sun[god]'s clear instruction warning that if the Kraken was starved of gold, he would slim fast and be able to swim down through the tubes and tunnels of the Mediterranean.
Spanish Volcano Porn
On 6th January 2012 Eyewitness reports - contradicted the official line given by Señor Barbrady. The young lady Bob, who lives in Restinga, Canary Islands in the Principality of Spain, has been having reported problems with her plumbing for some months. Many locals saw this for themselves but when they asked Señor Barbrady he told them to 'move along, nothing to see Hierro.' Bob was informed that the problem would fix itself, yet the moment feet were put up, Bob felt movement. Behold:
I believe this to be the work of the Kraken, which is an entirely logical and rational explanation. It is entirely possible that after feasting on the substandard economies fare of Southern Europe, the Kraken developed a bad case of hot ones as these not so exclusive pictures show. Latin Officials have not denied my theory, but then again I haven't asked them.
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| The Kraken did not forget to flush INSTITUTO VOLCANOLÓGICO DE CANARIAS |
Unnamed Spanish officials have also not denied that the Kraken has been poking around in Bob's tubes in an attempt to open them up further. The following image from Volcano Cafe, shows that my theory of tubes in the earth enabling the Kraken's escape is plausible, if not yet proven.
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| Possible floater seen in eruptive stain INSTITUTO VOLCANOLÓGICO DE CANARIAS |
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Image: GeoLurking, rights reserved.
"what might be a magma chamber [dark blue] and the feeder tube [opening] that goes down...deep"
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They do not want the world to know the truth, because they fear mass panic, however that did not stop Spain unleashing these monstrosities on us for half a century (aural discretion required):
Although the twenty-first century plague of system errors and malfunctions are linked, statistically and anecdotally, to poor management [I blame a lack of decent coffee], we cannot rule any multifariousness out when special interests are involved. I know this I've seen Columbo**. The legions of volcano porn enthusiasts on the worldwide web could be forgiven for thinking there is a great webcam conspiracy against them considering the number of times they have been robbed of a possible money shot just when the action gets interesting. Or, as one enthusiast @volcanocafe reported
The video Sissel created for VolcanoPorn [and conspiracy] Enthusiasts
* Smiffy is still going on about the fallen of Carthage
** Studies by GONADS conducted by Bonobos have shown a statistically significant between dogs and ice cream.
UPDATE 25 2 12: Señor Barbrady may have been linked with smoking [or vaporising if I'm honest] rocks to get 'magmatically stoned'! Read all the lurid details over @theVolcanoCafé
DISCLAIMER: "This story was based on fact. Any similarity with fictitious events or characters was purely coincidental." This story was also published after the Watershed.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
This post was inspired by the community @VolcanoCafe who love hot, steamy webcam action but will happily watch when nothing is happening because the sheep (who cannot be trusted according to a Swedish source) are involved in a massive webcam conspiracy. As the World's Greatest [comedy] Conspiracy Theorist [self proclaimed], I can empathise with their plight. I am truly thankful for their collective minds creating possibly the most entertaining science blog. Without them I would have never discovered how graphic Mother Earth is. There are not beneath an occasional bit of scatological humour which translates across many places on this beautiful earth. It could be a possible side effect of watching too much Volcano based porn, although this is speculation ;)
I hope to credit the ideas scattered throughout which originate from the Volcano Café above including Sissel's video. Let me know if you spot one or two.
This post was inspired by the community @VolcanoCafe who love hot, steamy webcam action but will happily watch when nothing is happening because the sheep (who cannot be trusted according to a Swedish source) are involved in a massive webcam conspiracy. As the World's Greatest [comedy] Conspiracy Theorist [self proclaimed], I can empathise with their plight. I am truly thankful for their collective minds creating possibly the most entertaining science blog. Without them I would have never discovered how graphic Mother Earth is. There are not beneath an occasional bit of scatological humour which translates across many places on this beautiful earth. It could be a possible side effect of watching too much Volcano based porn, although this is speculation ;)
I hope to credit the ideas scattered throughout which originate from the Volcano Café above including Sissel's video. Let me know if you spot one or two.
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