New Cuban Missile Crisis: Meteorite American Haarp* Weapon

Russian Bob reports:

the America Imperialist Pig is planning to capture an asteroid and hold small brown countries to ransom if they don't hand over the black gold. 

He also reports NADA may have been behind the meteorite that squeezed into Russian airspace using Haarp* to lull it down from the heavens. This may explain why first hand reports in the Urinals of Russia reported that

Cuban Sword[fish] Plot on President Stopped

EXCLUSIVE: President Osama sent a crack squid* to take down a Cuban swordfish that was planning to assassinate him. The plan had been to draw the president to Bikini Atoll fora fishing trip/photo op where he would be become a fish kebab. This narrow miss for the president was stopped by an agent, known only as Mick the Mule, who came forward with a press release from a red haired witch who has come into a lot of money. I warned about this ages ago. Behold;

Rumours that youtube tried to buy the rights for the Fish Kebab clip have not been denied, but then again I haven't asked them.