Cuban Sword[fish] Plot on President Stopped

EXCLUSIVE: President Osama sent a crack squid* to take down a Cuban swordfish that was planning to assassinate him. The plan had been to draw the president to Bikini Atoll fora fishing trip/photo op where he would be become a fish kebab. This narrow miss for the president was stopped by an agent, known only as Mick the Mule, who came forward with a press release from a red haired witch who has come into a lot of money. I warned about this ages ago. Behold;

Rumours that youtube tried to buy the rights for the Fish Kebab clip have not been denied, but then again I haven't asked them.

A [piss] artist's impression of the Global Warning Sharks defending against the Kraken.
The creation on the right is what will happen if we do not keep him in the Mediterranean. 

No one listened but it is not to late to save our world from fermented Swedish herring disguised as a new form of socialism. People, the Kraken, the greatest economic threat of all time, may still be in the Med but his contamination spreads. It is quite possible Generals Fear, Anxiety and Panic are involved. It's also quite possible this is all Labours fault although I would never rule out rumours about the French, even if I am the only one spreading them.

Of course many will point to scientists/specialists and a myriad of other official apologists saying it's probably a swordfish eye not Kraken spawn. Asif. As any good conspiracy theorist should know the first official statements usually come in a moment of blind panic when a good cover story is needed. Weeks or months from now the news will quietly slip out along these lines...

"We are satisfied that after a robust internal investigation no one is responsible for anything. We asked and they denied everything even their names. We had every confidence in our staff and that they would be exonerated."

Sometime after this a sauce bitter at always being a side dish will leak 'tests on the 'swordfish' eyeball were 'inconclusive' as the sample was "accidentally incinerated" by the new janitor who no one quite remembered and who has since "died after a short bout of natural illness. Our thoughts are with his family but not the Cuban swordfish's. Cuban fish have no soul."

At GingerZilla we know the truth - the eye was destroyed so the Kraken's contaminant could be stopped. This is the same principle being tested on Greece and the undeserving poor of our Sceptic Isles especially workshy plebs of disability. I only wish the same economic rigour was applied to crushing the plague of Old Age Terrorism.(**) Rumours that Agent Orange was used in taking down the rogue Cuban swordfish were denied by a Vietnamese Tiger Prawn salad.

Mystery Florida eyeball is probably from '10ft swordfish', experts say

* this may be a crack squad but I couldn't read my sources handwriting and besides it can't be any worse than this

(**) who incidentally I have shown are to blame for the Great Austeric Plight not the bankers. Bankers are innocent of this crime as they just want to kill santa and pawn the toys to fund the next round of bonuses since governments are getting stingy.