Monday, 19 March 2012

#FutureHistory: Media Vampires

An Artists Impression.
I like to think it's a premonition foretelling Dave riding a dead horse.
It is no coincidence. Statistically nothing ever is.
New allegations have emerged of the existence of secret internal emails(**) that show Rupert 'the Antipodean Beast' Murdoch believes Trevor Kavanagh from the sun[red rag] is a vampire. Kav cannot be put down by conventional methods as supernatural blood flows through the pages he weaves, or it could just be that there is such an overwhelming miasma spewing from the pages that it's impossible to tell who's guilty and who just happens to work in admin because everyone is covered in shit. I find this far more palatable than a bizarre love triangle involving ex-soviet states, witch hunts and terrorists.

Speaking of love triangles, ex communicated ginger, Rebekah Brooks has remained silent on alleged sexual relations with horses, but then again no one has asked her. This did not stop former Times editor Andrew Neil saying that Dave 'did not have sexual relations with that horse'. Others have seen this possible connection and the media are always the ones to tell us, by a nudge a wink and a inference here or there, there is no smoke without fire - unless of course you are gassing old people. In such circumstances, where rogues are popping out of the woodwork it is no wonder that they are liable to be
"arrested on suspicion of intimidation of a witness (contrary to Section 51 of the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994) and encouraging or assisting an offence (contrary to Section 46 of the Serious Crime Act 2007)."
Now if I was to follow tablord* logic I would defile any presumption of innocence and quote unnamed colleagues sources I just made up saying he intimidated them with his penis. Intimidating witnesses is of course a Mafia tactic, as is paying off the police. However, as Kav is not from the pauper class he must be handled delicately and mercifully by his former masters in the TabLords who defer to their 'worthy' - and therefore far more depraved - elder brothers and sisters to perform this ritual 'banishment' from the family business at least until they can sneak them in the backdoor. These more eloquent gobshites on the Broad Shites* take a few thousand words to achieve a slightly more cerebral illusion of fear and malice towards their fellow man that the red head younger siblings manage in a single headline. This fear spreads. The only way to defeat fear is to see the world through the eyes of love and laughter, not omerta

*TabLord [tablets of the Lords], Broad Shites [Broadsheets], the Medium of Imagination [Psychic Television Channels]
(**) My sources, which I obviously cannot disclose, claim to have seen these emails and stored a copy on a hard drive that then suffered from the dreaded click of doom (COD) after an invigorating interaction with the Matrix and the floor.

IMAGE DISCLAIMER: I am indebted to the work of those throughout FutureHistory who produce the images I highlight. Everything that we are, we owe to someone else who did the donkey work for us. This is in contrast to the current thesis that everything is new, amazing and better than before and that our ancestors were a bunch of donkey fucking inbreds.

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