The Kraken in Fishy Figures

The Kraken, wanted for Mass Fish Kill and iffy Greek Entry.*

This awaits moderation. I am disappointed as I didn't call anyone a Kraken denier or accuse them of being a member of UKIP although I, like most Bastards, would benefit from a pub lock in

This clearly pants science and I cannot rule out a possible wedgie being performed upon the public but I digress. Many comments have made salient points for alternative theories but alas like this paper they are wrong. 

First consider the dead stinky fish turning up on our beaches. Whilst many theories are propounded ignore them. If you have watched a Hollywood horror film [Quaid et al] or even read a fictional book you will know this behaviour is a stampede driven by fear. Secondly consider my sage words when we were faced with The Hybrid Global Warning Sharks (of the Climate Apocalypse) [Trademark pending] when it was

neither confirmed or denied that these [Jumping Global Warming Hybrid] sharks are related to the Kraken! To me this is the only logical explanation for an animal that has lived for millions of years through varying climate changes to decide to [censored] its neighbours. It is ludicrous to suggest this has anything to do with dwindling food sources caused by greedy [censored] nicking all the fish or the ominous threat of animal prostitution coming from the cold South [Antarctic waters]* 

Smells like Suishi?
Kraken sighted in Arctic? [Shameless ADVERT BREAKING]

Note the authors of this study in fear have not considered these frightened fishies fleeing a Kraken that hath been released - which is clearly a consequence of catastrophic climate changes from not paying the Carbon Tithe into Saint Gore's Carbon Trading Account** 

* Warning: choice but appropriate language may be used if you visit my site. If you are easily offended you may be a 'persecuted' climate scientist thrust - against your will of course as we know because you keep saying it - into the position of a fame seaking succubuss. If I am honest I blame WUWT as I often read an article and find myself saying some very naughty words. 

** rates of interest may vary depending on how scary we can make the press release.

. * avid readers will know we are praying to the Lordi.