Thursday, 6 December 2012

Will the Last Rich Person to Leave Please Turn Off the Lights

Grand Larceny or Grand Arsony?
It has come to my attention that Profit George has insisted the "rich will lose [a] greater share of income" after spending the last two years dedicated to telling us that even the mention of paying more/anything would set off a mass stampede. Woe we had been told even if they did not flee then they would feel so miserable and oppressed that it would be like the worst thing like ever! Therefore Profit George's actions in singling out the rich for corporate punishment must be treated like a sneezing chicken in a lift.
The Coalition Feast
Chancellor dismisses claim that poor will bear brunt of fresh cuts Guardian, George Osborne insists rich will lose greater share of income
Whilst some may claim that those fortunate enough to cling to their jobs are paying the inflated price of the recession this is nonsense. Some malingerers, most likely those with strong links to communist rats, would testify that workshy spongers on disability benefit and pensioner terror cells are slowly being clubbed to death. Sadly this is not the case although there are signs governments are slowly waking to the immense old age threat to our future.

Having checked through the various statements - so that you don't have to and can rely upon my journalistic integrity and independence from the twisted moral compass of whoever happens to pay my wages - I can reveal Profit George has not lied.(*)
[Profit George] rejected accusations that he had fiddled the figures to make the government's finances look better and played down fears that the UK's credit rating could be downgraded.

Small Pain, Big Gain

The golden formula referred to as 'tax evasion' or 'money laundering' in polite society is known as omerta by those financial clergy in the know. The spiritual leaders of banks, corporations and drug terrorist organisations have sworn by the effectiveness of Pontifex Financial Accounting, however I have been secretly communicating with a discontented confessor who sent me this video to explain how the tax system works. Behold;
With the zero product rule in mind I can now see that Profit George applied the same principles to his plans to tax the rich because no matter how much the tax rate varies a zero figure will invariably result - provided you invest in the right accountancy services. For an additional fee, accountancy firms are able to provide the cup and ball trick. Whilst those subjected to their practices have complained they are too scared to speak in case their financial testicles are ripped off, I can reveal how the underlying theory works. Behold;

So although Profit George is not lying to us, he is not to blame as I argued in The Kraken Turns on Profit George;
in the man's defence he is an upperclass twit of immense proportions.He simply doesn't realise what he is doing...[and]... justifies his actions in an austere money saving cloche but under the calm clipped exterior burns a hatred and lack of understanding of books . The first thing that pops into his head will involve burning books.
The same innocence cannot be used in defence for the evil that is Starbucks as followers of my campaign on Twitter will know. It is no use raging at everything and everyone even if you are right. In these desperate times you must choose wisely the battles that you fight avoiding anyone or thing that backs up their argument with trolls and drones.
* as avid readers of my missives will know, I have been wary enough of birds since the link between tweeting and riots was established.
(**) I cannot however vouch that he has not lied by omissionalthough some could argue this is just Balls

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