There are no Problems only Solutions

Do poor people really need limbs?
If we remove their hands they cannot beg
Image:
Mihail Chemiakin: The Children – Victims Of Adult Vices

Agent Arsenal Bob has revealed secret government plans so that taxpayers no longer have to fund their fellow man. A speech will explain how the Spirit of Enterprise and tax payers must be allowed to breathe again after being nearly suffocated by the needs of poor people. It's only fair. Other policies include:

• Generous offers for those who are in debt who can join cutting edge healthcare trials.
• Spongers on disability allowance and job seeker allowance face tough cuts and will need at least two limbs amputated if they wish to stay on benefits long term.

the Opposition are offering protection
Sources say there are holes

The official opposition have been up in arms and have proposed instead a private hospital partnership with the public where spare organs can be exchanged for Tesco vouchers. Only this they say can bring down the NHS waiting lists and allow these Bastard Isles to keep up it competitive Tithe rates. 

The yellow bastards have not disclosed their policies, but are open as long as you wear a condom. According to some sources Dave the Lizard wears a condom. 

UPDATE 

Following a lukewarm reception, and several complaints from the legion of Jezza haters, the government are proposing to amputate only one limb whilst stopping child benefits. It's only fair and it's all the previous governments fault anyway.

The Green response to this these back to basics measures was split. In other news the government is fighting winter storms and demanding support for it's solitary position. The Association for the Right to Hoodies (aRH) have said this is double standards and whinged that they were still waiting to be hugged as thanks for their support of Dave and Top Gear.