Saturday 15 September 2012

#RoyalPorn Get the Tits Out

Sick French Puppies.
This is the best Franco tits the freeweb has to offer*. 
In normal times I would find myself defending press freedom as the fourth estate is such a fine and noble profession. In normal times I would point out the gross sexual discrimination in having a prince's pecker thrusting at the public from the news stands but being denied the chance to ogle a pap shot of the princesses puppies. In normal times I would be outraged and highly offended that tax payers fund the debauchery at a rate ten times that of Norway. In normal times I would have already started a campaign for recompense by demanding a royal variety performance of the rear admiral which would be on freeview with extra camera angles if you press the red button.
But these are not normal times...


I could rabidly froth about how the talking empty heads that voice their opinions in our living rooms are quite happy for ever more botched laws of censor to protect the privileged as the administrators mine another field of human misery. I could even rage like my Old Age Stalker Les at those who are sleepwalking into the distorted reality of a one party, one state, one world solution nightmare to replace our broken institutions.

But these are not normal times, so erase your unpatriotic thoughts of unbelief you heathen bastards - that is if you have ever been taught how to think rather than what to think.
That Royals behave badly is not surprising to students of #FutureHistory who will know they perfected this by inbreeding with horses through the aeons which you weren't allowed to talk about in the papers despite everyone knowing about it anyway
King Edward VII [is] said to have loved gambling, women, food, drink and sport. His wife Alexandra turned a blind eye to his extramarital activities.  
But the public didn't and his most famous mistress of the 1880s, the actress Lillie Langtry, complained of how they followed her carriage all over London trying to get a look at her.
The Hon Mrs George Keppel, another of Edward's women, was so favourably looked upon she was invited to dine with the Archbishop of Canterbury. When the King was dying, Queen Alexandra reputedly sent for Keppel to say goodbye.
Her descendant, Camilla Parker-Bowles, has kept up the family tradition as the long-term companion of the Prince of Wales. BBC: History of Scandal
A dodgy French speaking source on Wickedpedia describe this as
'Carriage with horses'
Yet again the French are involved in a great conspiracy against us
There really is nothing new under the sun.
Modern diplomacy has taught me that the only way to deal with threats, both real and imagined by government trolls in the civil service(**), is to threaten them with total war. Trust me when I tell you that I have been told trolls will never win. It's just not allowed. Justice will prevail and a very guilty someone, or even better a nation, must pay this for this outrageous affront to the dignity and personal life of these publicly funded bastards. The only people to blame for this outrage are the French and I am stunned that Daily Express readers are not now marching on the French Embassy.
French Pig
This straw of moral outrage that has broken the back of modern diplomacy is why war with the French is inevitable and I ask all good minded bastards to enlist for a cross channel drinking and fighting expedition. It's not like they don't deserve what's coming for spilling Royal blood on their soil.

UPDATE:

Before the thirty-eighth double monday when the crescent moon awakens over the ember skies below, be aware. This day is binary and therefore, as avid readers of this blog will know, is totally wrong. This leads me to believe that government trolls are a binary virus on the matrix but that's another story...

One day the affronted princess whilst on her latest public funded foray, and who may or may not be a lizard[i], has seriously covered up since the French outrage and has adopted the silken rags of the locals in an attempt to blend in. Legal moves are also afoot[1] which, according to General Disinformation, will mean future royal visitors, their cousins and their clothes horses will be expected to adopt rather than respect our customs and pose for tasteful long range shots in Fried Eggs Monthly (FEM).

Like I said these are not normal times.

* although if I'm being honest I didn't exactly spend much time on it.
(**) or students. They seem to be involved in lots of trouble these days the sponging debt ridden bastards. 
[ii] depending on which conspiracy theorist you consult
[2] which should not be confused with giving the legal moves a foot up the arse.

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