Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Solar Elephant After His Hole?

Shocking "huge prominence" by Michael Buxton
If the above image is as SpaceWeather speculated an Elephant then it may have foretold of Mitt Romney's visit to the Holy Lands of Britain and Israel where he was greeted as a leper and Messiah respectively. 
However, a far more plausible theory was that it was a woolly mammoth, a portent foretelling not only how bloody cold it's going to get but the chosen would be hidden from what is to come. Behold


Are the Republicans on Drugs? 
Is this why they are taking over the supply at source? 
Is Oli North innocent?
WTF has Steven Seagull got to do with it?
Exclusive to GingerZilla;

In my ground breaking study, Permanent Testosterone Tension, I clearly drew attention not once but twice* to a linkage with Elephants;

"Recent studies...have proved a possible genetic link between haemorrhoid faced males and their haemorrhoid like penises. Their genital regions are so atrophied that the resulting lack of sex can lead to an immense build up of testosterone and causes the testes to enlarge. This leads to a secondary build up of fluid in the scrotum sack which swells so enormously that it has the visual characteristics of a bull elephant in musth. The resulting build up of pressure in the gonad region is like Testicular Russian Roulette.
This was two weeks before the portent from the Sun[god] and clearly shows a rampant pachyderm after his hole. But it goes further. The recent power outages in India that affected a billion people (c.350+c.650m) is not due to the heat/dry spell or even vampire Indian states that have been sucking energy.

Three lunar cycles ago I gave an extreme warning for the "months (4) in 2012 with the highest occurrence (5) of Double Monday's" This is further mathematics proof of "why mankind must ban the day now known as Double Monday (may it be cursed)."

We have just witnessed the third. If people do not listen to me then these disasters will keep happening [read disclaimer before casting aspersions]

In one of the worst ever nightmares for urban India, 300 million people of North India, were affected by a massive power failure which lingered for over 15 hours...The northern transmission grid collapsed at 2.35 AM, plunging Delhi, Haryana, Punjab, J and K, Himachal Pradesh, Uttarakhand, Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan and Chandigarh into darkness. Power outage in N India; 300 million affected
Double Monday
India's energy crisis cascaded over half the country Tuesday [Double Monday] when three of its regional grids collapsed, leaving 620 million people without government-supplied electricity for several hours in, by far, the world's biggest blackout. India Power Outage: 600 Million People Affected By One Of The World's Biggest Blackouts
This is clearly the Sun[god] fucking up the weather to destroy the infestation of Global Warning Sharks reported off the coasts of India, although it could just be the late monsoon. No official sources have denied this theory, but then again I haven't asked them. Something is clearly afoot as these things don't just happen without or for a reason.

When the Great Elephant[i] was revealed to us, the Bastard Isles [the part that matters - the parts northwards are perpetually hidden by clouds and should not be mentioned in polite conversation] were baking under a cloudless sky - so unbelieving are we that we had to go out and see it or ourselves and many bastards were toasted in the process
image UK Met Office c/o ITV
Alas, it did not last (it never does)
Image by Sat24.com adapted by a Megalomaniac
This could of course be proof once again of the common cloudy cold cultural heritage we share in North Western Europe, although this is occasionally interspersed with sunny periods. However, if you are a Megalomaniac then it can only be a divine sign that you need to conquer and subjugate most of Europe by bringing them the benefits of civilisation(**). I mean really on what fucking planet would you have to live to call the French civilised? 

* 1-2 thus proving it's divine origin (see also below)
(**) according to who you ask these may be fringe benefits. The benefits of civilisation should not be confused with the welfare state, which if not extinct at the time of going to print can't have many breaths left in the old body
[ii] not to be confused with The Fifth Elephant, which as the 24th Discworld novel contains the sacred numbers 12:12 and 42 when the Theory of Bob is applied (see also above)
DISCLAIMER: if the Twitter Police and others who have suffered a similar humour bypass happen to be reading this I am metaphorically speaking although I'd be fascinated to see anyone [without resource to the Chewbacca Defence] prove in a court of my pears that these [or any] disasters are my fruit fault. If I have planned this right I can automatically claim a divine right to what is rightfully ours - the Southern Kingdom. Invasion plans are NOT contained within this missive. 

No comments: