Monday, 26 December 2011

Sun's Christmas Message: Ill Winds

"what the Christmas star looks like in the 21st century"
Some had hoped it would be Santa
Image: Roman Breisch
The portents were good as a star shone brightly in the sky. The Great "Birthday Comet" of 2011, against all odds, survived and the Sungod after consuming vast amounts of Brussel Sprouts let off to show appreciation. But still my plan failed. The Old Northern Terrorist the Satan Clause is still alive and no Panda has emerged. I tried last night to catch him and waited hours for him to come down the chimney. He never came. This could be because I drank everything in sight leaving nothing for him or he came after I passed out. Unlike, everyone else who drunk to forget the pain of the dark at Christmas, I was seeking Dutch courage and absolution.

NASA: The Great Birthday Comet
With all these abundant signs, it is hard to believe that this moment passed and the opportunity to harvest Santa's soul has passed over. I had simply hoped but it was not enough. No one returned my calls so I tried to do it myself and passed out feeling the earth spinning on it's axis. Humanity does not possess enough spirit to perform the ritual on Santa. We do not have the tools and the twelve spoons I have acquired to carve out his soul. But do not fear. Do not be afraid. There is still time. The Panda will rise and with it I will destroy beliebf. In one year they will attempt to sacrifice him again so that he can be rebranded. We will have our chance again.
For now let us breathe and celebrate, for the darkest days of winter are over us. New light and warmth beckons no matter how cold and dark it is outside. Let us live in hope once more and welcome the new dawn.

We will never surrender to beliebf

GingerZilla 25th December 2011

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