Starbucks Coffee is Still Shit

They wanted my name in exchange for my soul

The day before the Ides of March, Starbucks launched their latest programme of assimilation to get the world to drink their 'coffee', by asking for your name. As anyone who has ever seen a film on exorcism, the one way to banish deamons is to get their name. It also works in reverse, which is why we teach children not to talk to strangers and not to give your name under any circumstances. 

Agent Bob dared and in return he could feel the deamons seed eating out his insides. He knew something was wrong from the first sip which despite all pretences did not taste like coffee. It is no surprise that Starbucks offer a plethora of additives and flavourings to disguise the taste of the dark lord's jism. 

Starbucks have created more coffee abominations than you can throw a stick at. Starbucks Latte Abuse: Enough Already

Not even copious amounts of sugar and flavourings could disguise the evil contained in a cup. Coffee should not need to be adulterated to such an extent to make it palatable unless it is not coffee and is, as I have speculated with Starbucks - on a purely spiritual and aesthetic basis - the devil's spunk.

[Starbucks] have convinced people that over-roasted mediocre coffee is the way it's supposed to taste. No wonder they have to have so many gunky drinks to hide the flavor of their coffee. 12:12

And just in case you think I am a coffee fascist it's worth considering that Starbucks are anti-God and have been linked to the number of the beast. The bastards!