WAR on France: France Farts in our General Direction

Socialist france - a bastion of freedom hating communist rats - have launched a chemical attack on Britain fulfilling a prophesy linked to the Holy Grail. Behold; 

Thousands of people, from as far away as Paris and London, have complained of nausea and headaches.The gas is mercaptan, an additive to natural gas said to be harmless. il the evening.In Britain, the Health Protection Agency said: "The smell drifting over Southern England today poses no risk to public health." The odour, which is similar to rotten eggs, has been noticed by people mainly in Kent, East and West Sussex and some parts of Surrey." Emergency officials in southern Kent advised French Lubrizol factory struggles to stop foul gas leak

Of course we told by officials that the gas is harmless but if you have ever let off a particularly sulphurous emission try telling that to the person puking their guts out of the nearest window:

Other uses for mercaptan in industry include pharmaceuticals and livestock feed additives. Made up of carbon, hydrogen and sulphur (which is responsible for the strong odour), it is the world’s smelliest substance and almost unbearable in concentrated form. Over-exposure can bring on fever, cough, shortness of breath, double vision, a feeling of tightness and burning in the chest, dizziness and memory loss How dangerous is Mercaptan?

This is the last straw and as the factory is only 150 miles away from London - which the stinky duplicitous french are claiming as their sixth biggest city - we must invade and reclaim South South England. However I feel that Dave the Lizard (without a solid bone in his body bar his unswerving commitment to swallowing his pal's corporate jism) will wimp out hoping instead to declare some quasi war with the European Union by picking and choosing which parts make him the most money. The yellow lizard bastard must be ousted as once for this pathetic attempt at appeasement before he flies back waving a useless peace of paper telling us we have 'piece in our time.'

Indeed as I revealed in City Under Siege: Cameron Calls for Mass Sacrifice we already have more than enough reasons to invade before it is too late. Behold;

• It offers 675,000 square miles of land, nearly three times bigger than our Bastard Isles. We know we are overcrowded and they have a surplus of space which they have refused to share with us. We can always send any hardcore Frenchies to Quebec if they refuse to assimilate their language.
• Thresholds must be set to restock the gold. France has gold.*
• Vast regions currently used for vineyards can instead be turned into breweries making proper English Ales instead of that poncey crap.
• Day trips to France no longer mean communicating with rude locals who take offence when you do not speak their mangled language.
• We'd be doing America a belated flavour favour.
• We can stop the immigration problem by policing at source.

* especially after they nick African gold.