Friday, 13 July 2012

Friday the 13th #2: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Barmy Health and Safety laws from Europe mean this is banned!
In the Bastard Isles we have long worshiped the Sun[god]. We have  the  monument to the Sun[god] which most people call Stonehenge but avid readers of this blog will know is a massive Jenga set for the Kraken. There is also a very good reason why we get shielded from the revelations in the heavens and routinely get pissed on, so we have to metaphorically cover our eyes when things get X-rated.

When the heavens open and reveal their glory we are always deemed more worthy. This happened in the last solar cycle where it was impossible to deny that burning old dead things raised the temperature.* Since we have obviously worked so hard to stop pollution by focussing only on one gas that is predicted to kill us rather than the others chocking us, we need to pump out more of the stuff. There is of course the possibility according Hollywood that the Sun will let off the most hideous emission right in our faces. Failing that the BBC tonight scared the shit out of me by showing me YellowStones that apparently are going to kill  everyone. They may have said after that, statistically, it won't happen in my lifetime but I remember when the BBC said there would be no hurricane and besides after the BBC had scared the holy fucking shit out of me I wasn't really listening by then.

* I would like to disclose that my editor has been threatened by several fearsome global warning sharks that they will pull their advertising if I am allowed to continue slandering them. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for any unintentional distress caused, but only if I can get my six percent admin fee for all Kraken/Tithe based transactions. I am prepared to haggle over the small details and sell my soul. On this basis next year I will be advertising Starbucks.

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