Thursday 15 February 2007

Play From Your Fucking Heart!





My view on music is to be open minded enough not to listen to just one genre. To never be afraid to try something new and widen your influences. However, this is tempered by the innate fascistic streak that surges through me when ever I hear manufactured pop; RnB from the US/UK (or anywhere for that matter). I have upset countless people and have even sought help but the reality is I know I’m right. Where I see injustice, like NATO and Oil Companies  I must act.
Since it's the "in" thing I will start with modern RnB (i.e. modern as opposed to the more soulful 60’s and 70’s RnB), which has none of what the name claims to stand for... rhythm or blues! I hear better rhythm in a public toilet! And harmony for that matter. It’s far better to listen to someone scream in the khazi as they squeeze out a supersized turd from their sphincter than listen to some “Diva” caterwaul in every octave known to mankind. Sometimes less really is more! I really don’t care if they can shake their ass as I would rather shake them as I’m choking the living daylights out of them. 


As for modern hip hop, it seems to have aped modern R & B and metamorphosed into a cacophony of posturing manure. I really could not give a flying piano about their guns, bling and sex lives or anything else they wish to extol about. When NWA burst onto the world scene with “Straight Outta Compton” back in 1988 it was fresh and had a message (and it was bloody funny too). Now nearly 20 years later, every little prick that happens to live near a Ghetto (i.e. on the same planet will suffice) decides that they need to express their angst and flash their gangsta credentials. The reality is a load of boring, self obsessed drivel whose was lost the day the Black Sheep released a "U Mean I'm Not"" from the album A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing back in 1991.

My facist streak wants to wish the current purveyors of any of the above horrific unimaginable painful deaths, however why would we want to martyr talentless airheads? Think of it this way if Mariah Carey had done the world a favour and removed herself from this mortal coil we would have been subject to endless eulogies to a complete and utter waste of humanity. We would have to endure her music far beyond any stipulations of the Geneva convention or international lw (not that that matters much in the UK or USA anyway). No doubt in tribute, P Diddy would then no doubt violate another classic song to the bane of mankind.
Puff Daddy Atrocity 
Further adding the fuel to facistic venom is the money is now being spent by the music industry - Tweenies! For the uninitiated, tweenies are prepubescents lacking parental guidance in the realms of taste who either buy or get their parents to buy complete and utter shite "music" for them. This is a direct result of a wider societal ailment which fails to place boundaries upon children and lets them buy music unhindered (The Zilla is excluded because I was buying AC/DC records at that age). It likes allows the likes of Bros, Girls Aloud, NKOTB, Take That, Spice Girls, Britney, Atomic Kitten, Steps, Boyzone, Westlife, McFly, NSYNC, Marky Mark etc to flourish and spread their insidious message throughout civilization. Simply they should be banned from buying records so that rest of human existence don't have to suffer. The only time Tweenie music has ever been remotely acceptable is when these pop atrocities are ripped apart and covered by Thrash/Death metal bands as at least the kitsch value makes the result tolerable. 


Because of Tweenies, the bubblegum carnage of mainstream chart music is pumped out ad infinim by the likes of “pop svengalis” Pete Waterman (who I once described as a “devil’s minion” who “produces more shit than a heard of elephant with the runs”) and Simon Cowell (who is the satan who's cock is sucked by an ever increasing legion of wanabies). Whilst they live, the world wilts. However even though my fascistic streak is now screaming at me to napalm these bastards (Tweenies and pop svengalis), the real culprits are the complete and utter bastard parents who allow their children to grow up with such appalling musical taste. This is totally devestating to children's lives and causes everlasting, painful scars. There are laws to protect children (not that it matters much if you live in the US or UK).

In light of recent media campaigns to feed children better why not add musical taste to the menu? After all these adults are feeding the children the musical equivalent of supersized fast food…bland, soulless, tasteless, pasteurised piffle that is slowly killing them! When the Parents Music Resource Centre (PMRC) envisaged the “Parental Advisory” label in the 80’s (which are a great way of targeting youngsters to your product by the way) they really should have made the labels for this pop shite. Instead this is what they wanted us to listen to – brainless and insidious propaganda.




It is a sad reflection of the soullessness of our society that we can be so utterly devoid of emotion in our music and allow this diabolically drab dirge to infiltrate our lives. But then again we bomb the shit out of other countries and then idly stand by as 655,000 are wasted in Iraq all so we can listen to Beyonce caterwaul whilst she shakes her booty. As the late, great Bill Hicks once said:

Play from your fucking heart


This blog will be expanded upon have a sequel!!

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